Excerpt from "FATZILLA!!!"

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…The creation of fatzilla was flawed from the get go, and has reached the point of absurdity, confusion, and contradiction in the year 2008. Worse still is that dietary fat can be used as a fierce weapon against the increasing rates of obesity, heart disease, and a long litany of other ailments, including even mental and emotional disorders of varying degrees of severity. The megaphobia that surrounds fat; however, is preventing many from succeeding. We’re stuck. Plain and simple, fat has nothing to do with the heart disease and obesity phenomena.

Sometimes the answers are simpler than we think. I remember back in college I partnered up with two exchange students from Mongolia on a project. The two girls were lean and attractive (hellooooo). For the rest of the semester we all sat together in the back of the classroom behind a ridiculously fat kid – probably 300 pounds and only 20 years of age. One of the Mongolian girls leaned over to me one day and said (way too loudly), “why are people in America so fat?” At the time I didn’t have much of an answer to give. I sort of shrugged my shoulders. Then she pointed out that “in Mongoria, we eat rots of meat with all the fat hanging off of it, but no one in Mongoria is fat.”

The fat kid sipped on a giant Pepsi in every single class that semester, and did a project touting the financial benefits that adopting fast food restaurants and vending machines in local high schools could provide. Right there was an answer. Gnawing fatty meat off the bone in no way contributes to obesity. Sipping Pepsi and eating fast food does. But it took me years of “livin’ la vida low fat” to understand why, and to figure out the physiological reasons why eating fat wisely, with a removal of sugar, improves human health in a dozen different ways.

Of course, such an anecdote will be viewed as being outrageously unscientific, and that’s the hilarity of this whole situation. Science and medicine has considered the possibility that fat, a traditional food that humans have subsisted on without accumulating disease for millions of years, is suddenly the cause of all problems shy of global warming. They have spent billions of dollars failing to prove that the fat kills hypothesis is true. Then they turn a blind eye to an entire nation of people like Mongolia, with no obesity and very little heart disease who subsist off of an extremely high fat, meat-based diet. “Oh they exercise more,” they might say. And when they go to 24-hour Fatness and see obese people running on a treadmill they say, “it’s genetic.”

They keep trying to cover their asses, but there’s an awful lot of holes in those undies. They’re wearing a thong actually. It’s red and lacy and shiny and tight and, wait a second what was I talking about and why am I sweating?

Folks, fatzilla is just a fictional character. It sounds scary and could keep you up at night in fear, but calm down. It’s not real. It’s a fabrication. If there is a real fatzilla I assure you that I will hunt it down and slay that beast. It will go down. It will die a slow and painful death despite its struggles to stay alive. Fatzilla is no match for logic, common sense, smart science, and observation.

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