Depression doesn’t require traumatic life experiences–sometime it just happens. There doesn’t happen to be a reason. Our brains can malfunction just like our bodies can.
You say you aren’t depressed, but then you describe several symptoms of depression, the biggest of which is that you no longer take pleasure in life and don’t care if you live or die. You also say that you feel trapped in an endless cycle, that you’re worn out, and that you don’t have anything to live for. That’s pretty much textbook depression.
What’s stopping you from breaking out of your day-to-day cycle? What’s stopping you from getting out and living your life? It’s not your external circumstances, as hard as they might be. People can be poor and unemployed and still enjoy life. I am not a doctor, but I think it’s clear that you are ill. That’s nothing to be ashamed of. I’ve struggled with mental illness in my past. Many people who I love and respect have dealt with mental illness.
Let’s say you’re right, and you aren’t really depressed. What would you lose by seeking help? You can still kill yourself later if you want to, and you’ve already said you don’t have anything better to do with your time. And if you talk openly to friends and family, then go see a doctor and talk to him honestly too, and nothing helps, then you could come back here and give me a big “I told you so.” That’s got to be worth something.