I’m sorry to hear you’ve had such a struggle. It sounds like you’ve learned from years of experience that just cutting calories alone doesn’t work for you. Maybe you’re right that the best thing to do is not to focus on the weight problem for a little while, but instead think about what you can do for yourself.
I would second what Amy said about starting an exercise program, doing whatever you happen to enjoy. That might mean taking a walk every night, doing exercise videos, joining a gym, or really just about anything that gets your heart rate up. Don’t just do it to lose weight, but do it because it will help improve your health and well-being. And if you stick with it and keep improving, you will feel successful even when the scale doesn’t budge. You might be surprised to learn what you’re capable of.
And who knows, maybe one day the exercise will help with weight loss. With all your starvation diets, you probably burned off a lot of muscle, and you might never have rebuilt it when you regained the weight. If you can build new muscle over a year or two, with a consistent exercise program, your body will eventually burn more calories just sitting there. That might make it easier to control your weight. But regardless of weight, you’ll still enjoy all the physical and mental benefits of regular exercise.