esb,
I’m sorry for your frustration and can empathize with your situation a bit.
Regrettably, I don’t have any wise advice to offer. However, I thought you might relate to my post on the following web site:
http://www.cheeseslave.com/week-save-85-new-year-new-summit/#comments
While I’m just some anonymous person in cyberspace, I share some of your issues (physically and morally) and want you to know you’re not alone.
Truly, I wish you the best.
Jeff