Amazing story. I can see where writing could be a good thing for you – as ErinE suggested, I think finding something to do that “creates” would be great therapy!
I love crochet, and also do stained glass windows (which takes a little investment in tools). I also play sax. Maybe singing or learning an instrument would be something fun and different to get ‘addicted’ to? (maybe not!)
I would ask your husband what his favorite body part is (if you have to tell him to be nice, do! let him know you NEED his support in this health journey!) – and then think of that piece when you think of your body. For me, it’s my calves. The rest of me gets wiggly and jiggly, but my calves always seem to look good…
I would also say a nice stroll outside in the fresh air – for the purpose of clearing the mind, meditating, and breathing – is good for the soul. Just don’t think about moving or exercising… think about how amazing nature can be. This will be much easier when the new leaves come out and birds return in spring, too.
Another thing – you mentioned traveling and not gaining… while still eating… try and get back in that same mode, if you can. Something was working for you then – can you recapture that mindset? Maybe when cooking meals, plan an “around the world tour”?
I’m new to the whole ETF journey myself… so hopefully I’m not way off base. I do know you need to love yourself first. Once you see the beauty inside, it can’t help but radiate out to others – and then reflect back to you again, multiplied.