Lottie,
I just turned 50 and my Ed started in my teens and took off at 23 with a hospital stay.
All I can say is you are right to want to be free from the insane and deadly cultural obsession with thinness.
Did you know more die from anorexia than being obese? Yes, it is true.
Anyway, I hope you have support to help you. I recovered in my twenties but relapsed at 40 because it was then when they started harping on ” belly fat”. I fell for the bait and became obsessed and sick again. Now in recovery a second time, older and wiser, I will never fall for the bs that industries sell us about our bodies.
I have my belly back and I am eating to satisfaction again. I have begun to get a life back. My body may not be model thin anymore but my feelings, my interests and my relationships are becoming the focus again. My body is a precious gift that let’s me live to create a life for myself that I can feel and experience. Yes, it can be painful. Being numbed out on an eating disorder is seductive.
I could not have recovered without professional help, but that was my way. Anyway, it sounds like you are eating again. What a great step to health and wellness for you!