tennosea – thank you for such a well written response. When I first started eating such a low amount of calories, I obviously felt very weak and unnatural. I was only 16 at the time and I honestly thought that’s how you were supposed to feel when losing weight. I have learned much more about the weight loss process now and I even hope to study nutrition in college.
I suppose I’m just frustrated because I’m not a fan of my body’s fat distribution. I have incredibly small and veiny hands and arms but my midsection looks and feels disproportionately large compared to my other features. Yes, that’s a very common statement for a teenage girl to say: “I have flab on my tummy and big thighs” – I get that. I enjoy big thighs because they give me power. I enjoy being thicker than a stick because I feel energetic. If I could see JUST the positives, I would. It’s just hard once you develop a certain viewpoint/image of yourself.
About the counselor – my mom has actually already helped me find someone. She even told me that she’s a former soccer player, so I’m happy about that. However, I’ve never been in favor of counselors or therapists because their information isn’t going to be cookie-cutter clear to each individual, obviously. I’m afraid she’s going to tell me the same thing that she tells the rest of her patients. Don’t get me wrong, I love hearing advice and all, but I truly want to “recover”. I think that’s the reason I’ve been so open to experimenting; I know how my own body works.
I’ve never been “anorexic” or “bulimic” – I don’t have a problem with eating 3000+ calories if I’m hungry, but it just scares me sometimes knowing that I need to eat that much. I guess it’s just hard being around a bunch of unhealthy friends who eat according to their instincts – I’m jealous of their instincts, but irritated at their habits.
Thank you for your input – I’m new to this community but I have a lot of hope in finding the way to a happier and more comfortable lifestyle. :)