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Reply To: anorexia/restriction, running, and how to stop the insanity

Blog Forums Eating Disorders anorexia/restriction, running, and how to stop the insanity Reply To: anorexia/restriction, running, and how to stop the insanity

#12841
tennosea
Participant

Well, grocery outing 1 turned out well…and was followed by outing 2 the next day to re-stock, which got even bolder. And there have been pretty much daily outings since then. I’m definitely eating more and I can’t say it is totally unrestricted but it is definitely shockingly different. All I can say is something about this conversation has made an impression. I am hanging on to the idea that I don’t have to believe my crazy thoughts anymore, and I don’t have to live in a prison, either. I’m on the road this week for work and casually enjoyed a meal off a take-out menu during a working meeting yesterday, including chocolate chunk cookie. Today my flight was canceled AFTER we boarded; I deplaned and had to take a taxi to another airport in another state just to get a flight to my destination. Normally this type of thing would send me into total ED-driven neurosis but I just munched my way through it and rolled with it. It is so much easier in some ways. Yes there is the evil shadow lurking, the knowledge that at some point I’m going to be forced to confront the consequences of these new behaviors, and those consequences will be in the mirror, and possibly on a scale. And the consequences will be there eventually. I’m avoiding it all for the time being but at some point I’ll have to face it. But for now I’m just a bit relieved so I’ll cross that psychological bridge when I reach it I suppose. Maybe it wont be that bad.

Anyhow, I just wanted to pop in for a quick update as my week is flying by and I cannot believe I’m five days into this. I am so grateful for this thread.

  • This reply was modified 10 years, 8 months ago by tennosea.