ilex70, that sounds like a huge amount of stress. I am so sorry that you are going through all of this, and your body has obviously reacted. As you probably know, dieting will just subject your body to more stress.
Sometimes, our bodies raise red flags when we are in unhealthy situations, and in the long run it can be a blessing because it forces you to call attention to the situation. Take care of yourself, and I hope you make the right decisions for yourself and your daughter. I would recommend putting the focus there rather than on your weight at the moment. As someone who grew up around a lot of put downs and abuse, I can tell you firsthand that it affects children big time – still recovering in my 30s.