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Reply To: husband hates my weight gain

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@scarlettsmumHere‘s something I posted in a comment thread some months ago to a women asking for the male perspective on partner weight gain. Might be of interest.

I think all of those improvements [fuller butt, boobs, enhanced mood and libido] are right on, but I hear your concerns Celia. Some dudes will freak out, and even if they’re supportive, they may lose some attraction, despite their best intentions.

Think about it like this: if your dude had a high status career that drew you to him (doctor, lawyer, athlete, whatever), and the stress of it gets to him, and he eventually leaves to pursue something that will make him happier, you probably would intellectually support him. That’s great dear- I want you to be happy, not stressed out, enjoy your life, etc. But maybe he’s lost some economic security, as time goes on, and the success in his new venture isn’t panning out. You may lose attraction to him, even if your rational mind doesn’t want to, wants to instead be supportive.

I think it’s like that for guys. The attraction triggers tend to be hard-wired, even if they no longer mean what they may once have meant (health and fertility). Even if the economic climate primes the pump for the failure of many, just as the cultural climate primes the pump for fat gain, not everyone can rationally override those triggers and attraction may wane.

That said, as Matt alludes to [in thread], attractiveness can take many forms. Improved mood and sex drive are huge for dudes, along with all that favorable recomposition. A lady who’s pleasant and hot to trot and excited to jump your bones will easily edge out the cover model who’s a harpy and doles out duty sex once every few weeks.

And if you can muster the courage and see the recovery process run its course to the end, you end up with the best of all worlds- a healthy, vibrant, sexy lady with an easygoing disposition.

In that quote about the adrenal type in DR2, my favorite section is this:
?A member of the adrenal-type group has a phlegmatic disposition ? easygoing, jolly, slow to anger, never bothered with insomnia, fear or ?cold feet. He will often go out of his way to avoid a quarrel. Customarily, he has a wide circle of friends because he is warm-hearted and surrounded by an ?aura? of kindly sympathy.

I can’t tell you how attractive that is, in both friendship and romance.