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In the past,therapists mentioned i should write and i did but i found it to be more of a chore,than a relief.
Ever since a couple of years ago,when the life i knew then fell apart,i feel like im in this transitioning phase…everything almost i did&liked back then,even was passionate about is of no importance to me anymore at all! Yet i also dont seem to find new interests or something im passionate about anymore…
I keep being stuck in this food/exercise/restlesness anxietycycle,unemployed and no idea where to go from there or what id liked to do jobwise….or any general goals in life for that matter.
Meditation&stuff only makes me more anxious,the thougth of having to sit down makes me anxious already…..and this coming from a former chubby couchpotato who sometimes for enjoyment installed herself on the couch with a blanket pizzas&other shit and kept entire movie- and telethon weekends!
I dont know what i feel comfortable with! Only at nigthtime my moods lift and i become a positive person.
Lately im. Trying to delve&understand more about the hormones serotonin,tryptophan,estrogen that ray peat writes about a lot….as i sometimes think there has gone something wrong with my serotonin/dopamine connection for years. I always craved&ate high serotonin/tryptophan foods like wheat,chicken,tomatobased dishes and also high pufa foods. They gave me a blissful feeling while eating,yet hours later or day after i felt lethargic/depressed/crying/angerball.
Several therapists also ‘labelled’ me as a highly sensitive person. One explained to me that this basically means that my emotional brain and my rational brain are constantly figthing over eachother for attention. In a normal person both brainparts are equally strong. That probably explains why ive always struggled with finding&keeping balance in everything and thus have become such a controlfreak and harsh selfpunisher.
So yeah,i raise both my hands….and my feet!
Ugh….life is so long and exhausting this way.
- This reply was modified 10 years, 3 months ago by Dutchie.