Natty, try not to worry about clogging your arteries or killing/harming your body by eating. I was so worried about eating veggies from the farmer’s market, grass-fed meat and not much else. Now I still enjoy the farmer’s market and grass-fed meat but also enjoy a shake and a handful of fries from McDonald’s (my most dreaded place before) every now and then. I know that eating food (and some unhealthy food at that) is healing for me. It seems like you just need to try and trust your body as much as you can. Eat whenever you’re hungry, eat as much as you want, eat what sounds good, and rest when you want. It’s normal to be tired and want to lie around. If you’ve had an eating disorder than that is especially true and you should rest on your bed for as long as you need to. Load up on good books, videos, etc. Do you like reading books about recovery? If so, I have about 3 that I just finished and would be happy to send to you. I also have a bunch of non-recovery books if you tell me what you like.
I know that resting and being inactive for as long as you need to is mentioned on youreatopia and on this site as well (or at least in Diet Recovery 2). Your body is working really hard on repairing your internal organs and everything else and it needs the food and rest. Your body may seem weak but it is strong and it is resilient. Rest as much as you want! don’t push yourself to do anything. I often enjoy walks and sometimes gentle yoga and may begin doing a tiny bit of exercise but I honestly have felt so tired that last few days that I’ve been just enjoying watching tv shows. I’ve even left a pile of dishes because I’m just so exhausted.
I understand you wanting to have someone tell you exactly how much to eat, what to eat, how to rest, etc. I really wanted that too (and still do sometimes). It felt so scary to just eat but I promise you it gets better and gets easier. Seeing the proof in the biofeedback (seeing my temps go up, getting my period 2 times) has really kept me going. I have gained weight and that has been a hard adjustment but I really don’t think I’ve gained any for the past month. I have no idea since I’m not weighing myself but I think my body is the same. BUT my stomach bloating has gone down. You will not gain forever.
If you’re interested in meditation please let me know and I’ll post you some things that I like. You may have seen them on other posts so I don’t want to be too annoying posting them again. Mindfulness meditation has been my savoir during this challenging time and I can’t recommend it enough. My email is email@example.com