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Can anyone help my desperate teenager who carries some weight, not tons, I’d guess maybe 10 pounds, but feels terribly fat? And you know how it is at that age, the peer pressure. I really feel for her. She was in tears this morning begging me for a diet that would help. I’ve told her all the truth about dieting etc and am doing what I can to help. She has low temps in the morning and cold hands. No ED or silly diet history other than vegan for a month earlier this year . I suspect low iron as she is pale , tired, bloated. haven’t tested it yet but have started her on nettle tea and a bit more meat, plus a daily egg. Plus a biscuit before getting out of bed in the morning. I’d welcome more ideas!
I think knowing that a diet will likely lead her to be even heavier should help. If she is upset being 10 pounds overweight, imagine 20. You may want to remind her that a bit of weight gain at puberty usually goes away after a growth spurt. It is there to provide the needed energy for the growth. Life sucks at times, but this is probably a good character-building experience if you can help her get through it with fully intact self-esteem. I would say make sure she is getting plenty of sleep, because teenagers need tons, and that helps a lot with weight.
Sounds like the low iron thing could help, or maybe other blood tests if your interventions don’t help.
BTW, I would normally say exercise could help, but a teenager who thinks she’s fat is likely to go overboard on exercise and use it as a means of dieting. A fun activity like softball or something might help, though.
Having her do EFT (emotional freedom technique) might be helpful too. I know this isn’t a weight loss tool but it does relieve stress and that’s a big help. I agree about the sleep too. Does she have black out blinds? For me it helps to sleep in as much darkness as I can.
Thanks Amy and Saisrice! I think she will not overdo the exercise – I’ve suggested 15 minutes of brisk walking the dogs a day. She struggles to sleep which is a problem – sometimes I find her in the kitchen at 3 – she hasn’t slept yet, and I’ve woken and won’t sleep again – overlap!!
I also forgot to mention heavy painful periods with cramps and clotting. I must look into the thyroid-iron connection and these symptoms.
I used to give her zinc but I stopped in case it’s affecting iron. And anyway her skin is good for a 16 year old.
I tell her I am a walking example of why NOT to diet, and that unlike me she at least has a non-judgemental understanding home environment, not like that “You’re just greedy/lazy, just stick to 3 meals a day, what’s so hard about that?” mentality I grew up with!That’s great that she is growing up with you as a mother. It must be healing in itself to just have someone that understands. I wish I was spared all the diet horribleness and not praised when I ate just lettuce.
Regarding the difficulty sleeping, does she use electronics right before bed? If so, maybe as her to stop an hour before bed. Then she can read, take a bath, maybe put on some nice lavendar oil (putting a few drops on the sole’s of her feet is great). I’ve read on here that someone has had great success with Deepak Chopra’s sleeping CDs. Not sure if she’d be into that but having some sort of nice relaxing routine is really helpful. Also, is she eating enough at night before bed? Having dinner with all the Ss is a huge help for me and not drinking so much during to day so I don’t have to get up and pee.
I’m sorry to hear about her painful periods! I’ve been doing mayan abdominal massage on and off for a few months and that’s helpful. I had a woman come and teach me and now I know how to do it on my own. I end the massage by putting castor oil on my stomach and leaving it there with a big piece of flannel and hot water bottle. It was a huge help when my stomach hurt when I was first introducing wheat and other foods.
On a different note, I really like the website http://curveappeal.tumblr.com/
It shows beautiful curvy women and always makes me feel good. I also know that I was fueled by magazines and the like when I was younger but now make a point of not buying them or looking at them. Might be something for her to avoid too.Regarding the food, is she eating enough during the day? You said she isn’t dieting but is she eating the right combinations of food- with all the Ss? Not that she should be crazy about it and not eat what she desires but that she makes sure she’s eating things that give her energy and a good amount of calories. For me I feel good making sure I get enough protein in. When I first started ETF I sometimes wouldn’t eat enough protein because I had carbs. I know when I was in high school I often wouldn’t really eat lunch and I don’t think that was very good for me. I also thought something was wrong with me that I was hungry at snack time and that I shouldn’t be eating a snack like others and if I did then definitely not eat lunch. All those dumb ideas which it doesn’t sound like she has. I’d just make sure that you keep telling her how beautiful she is and name all her other wonderful attributes that she has that aren’t looks related:) It’s so hard to love our bodies and especially at that age but it’s really the best thing.
Being a teenager is such a rough time in life. I’m sure it’s even worse for a girl. I would bet my bottom dollar that stress is the main culprit in her health issues. Unfortunately that will probably get worse in college along with an extra few pounds. Most stress we have is self generated. Outside things may be the initiator but how we perceive things is the main cause. This era of media bombardment and flawed cultural messaging is tough for a parent to navigate their children through. Hell, even adults are falling prey to it. I want nothing to do with the ego stroking and attention gathering of Facebook and other social media. Good luck getting a teenager to feel that way. I think these things just amplify the already rocky road of teenage social interaction. I think we are all fed so much bullshit on how great and fulfilled our lives should be,and how we are supposed to look etc., that we have lost sight of how to be ourselves and how to feel happy and calm about our lives. I’m 43 and I am still struggling to calm my mind and have a better perspective on life. Anyway, good luck. Keep talking to your daughter. Try to infuse some good perspective about life. Discuss fears, hopes, and dreams. Try to make her realize the benefits of regulating her media exposure and getting out into the world for healthy exercise and social interactions. Most of all, let her know how loved she is. Unfortunately the rest of the job is on us parents to let go of our own fears for our children. Even with this massive assault on their psyche that is the modern world, they seem to be able to navigate it alright as long as they have a good support system. And to your daughter… DON’T DIET! I know kids never listen to those that have gone before but most everyone on this sight has made a difficult disaster of their lives in one way or another through dieting. The biggest way to maintain a decent weight and health is through small changes and positive attitude. Good luck!
Thank you Saisrice and Jdubs for such thoughtful replies. Saisrice, that curves site is lovely. I think they’re all so sweet and so beautiful, and Kelly Clarkson – love her! My daughter loves her bathtimes so I’m going to see what I can do to make them treaty and relaxing too. I pack her a lunch and I think she is sensible about it, though some of the diet fads I hear about from school make my hair curl. Like moms putting 13 year olds and younger on diets omg.
Jdubs I so agree about the social media. I think the best balancer for all that crazy stuff is a strong relationship and luckily my daughter and I are close and because my husband brings in our income I do have the time to put into our kids. I think that kids need a ton of time with their parents, and I feel the weight of that responsibility as I know I am her anchor and her guide. Without all I can give her she’d be fine on the surface, but I just know that underneath would be a very different story. Just last week one of the girls who used to be in her class attempted suicide by running out into the traffic and got hit by a car with multiple fractures. She’s 16 and her mom has not been lucky enough to be able to spend as much time and emotional energy on her. The scary thing is, that grounding takes so much more work these days due to so much undermining, our kids are such media and marketing targets. At the same time so many mothers I know are less and less able to give as much support and sanity as is needed to counterbalance all that, because of work and too much on their own shoulders – and because of being asleep themselves in the many ways we consumers are.
That world of mobile internet is hitting my generation of parents and their kids from out of the blue. Even kids a few years older did not encounter the smart phone and all the “possibilities” at 13 or younger. I would have kept it away from my kids, but one of the hardest things about parenting is trying to stick to your beliefs while not being so ‘weird’ and different that your kids can’t handle it. Mobile internet and these smartphones are a vast social experiment we never signed up for and the designers of which I know (if my 20 years experience of marketing people counts, which I think it does) never gave a second’s worth of their shallow thought to the social consequences that might follow. At the very least you feel like you have a zombie in the house as they go down the plughole of facebook, twitter and all the rest – I lost her for 2 years this way! Anyway, she’s back but I feel like I had to bust her out of a cult or something. I do not like the times I was born into and I like the times my kids were born into considerably less.
Excuse the long rant! And thanks for the support, this is a great community.Hey as a teenager she desperately needs zinc. Please make sure she eats enough protein, maybe about 20 grams at each meal. and also a zinc supplement. maybe 20-30 grams a day. :)
Caz, I believe you meant 20-30 milligrams of zinc.
Sue, those two years that you “lost” your daughter seem to be the worst age for girls. Even without as much social media my daughter was a walled off, holy terror at that age. At twenty five she is a wonderful young woman and our relationship is great. Fortunately she has never really dieted. She has a nice figure with a little bit of a paunch in the tummy and a bit of thickness in the legs. She loves food and cooking and eats generally what she wants when she wants. I feel like she is at a nice healthy weight and is very pretty. Unfortunately our societal body image for girls would probably have her lose fifteen pounds to get to that skinny look. Trying to loose that extra ten to twenty to fit in with societal standards is what sets so many young women on a path to lifelong weight struggle and usually causes the extra twenty, thirty, or forty pounds so many older women wind up dealing with. It’s such a shame and is a hard mentality to escape.Caz, I’ll look into it again. Was worried it was messing with iron. I know it’s important for mood and concentration which is a big one for teenagers. With all the vitamin/mineral confusion I mainly give my family the ones that they get deficiency symptoms if I don’t, and zinc is one of those, so maybe I need to stick to the plan here. Thanks for the reminder!
Jdubs, that’s exactly what did it for me. And old photos show I had a seriously messed up self image because I actually looked great. In a way, our daughters are lucky to have a generation before them that got messed up in terms of health and weight and are hopefully able to help them out a bit. Plus some sign of better social attitudes to weight, thanks to some of the more real stars ,and the ‘serious booty’ fashion taking over from the wasted-vegan-look predecessor! Long way to go though, till we stop thinking a glowing gorgeous girl with some womanly curves is fat because she’s not a strung out looking coat hanger with old lady skin. My daughter does really know this, but unsurprisingly, she’s also not immune, and we do not live on an island, but then, not even islanders do anymore!
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