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There have been many moments since I began eating the food that I’ve wanted to stop and go back to some sort of diet or restrict my eating in some way. Being at this higher weight is so hard for me and what pushed me over the edge was seeing a picture of myself paddle boarding. I look huge and I can’t stand it.
I’m embarrassed to write this but I followed a slow-carb style of eating today (protein, legumes and veg). I thought this would be an okay diet since I’d be getting carbs and I’d have a day off to eat whatever but I feel a bit depressed because deep down I don’t think that this is what I should do. I worked hard to get back my period and don’t want to mess up my fertility again. I’ve had 3 periods in a row so my body is healed and thought that I could stand to loose a bit of weight now. I know that I should trust that my body will find it’s set point but I feel desperate to loose weight. Ugh! I felt so happy yesterday thinking of the possibility of loosing weight but now just feel so down and not sure what to do tomorrow.
Don’t do it. What’s to be desperate about? If you’re not a Hollywood actress, there’s no urgent need to be a certain skinny size. This is just a momentary panic. Your posts elsewhere reflect such confidence and optimism and eagerness to have another kid — I truly believe that THAT is the real, authentic self talking, and that this panic about the paddleboard photo is a mere passing, distorted anxiety. From the #s you’ve reported elsewhere, I recall you being at a very reasonable weight, especially for disordered-eating recovery.
Keep in mind that photos can be unflattering! Even the most beautiful people in the world can take a bad photo. I remember the first time I saw certain old photos and thought I looked terrible; I look at them now and it doesn’t phase me, I know that either I actually looked good, or I did in fact look kinda bad, but that’s because it was a bad photo because I had good photos from more or less the same time. Probably a similar trick of the mind at play here.
If there’s any “real” flabbiness, remember that you can improve your strength over time and look great without losing any weight. Not by overdoing, but gradually.
And, although 3 periods is a great sign, it doesn’t mean so-healed-you-can-risk-dieting-again. The body is like an ocean liner, it changes course very slowly. My advice is to consolidate your achievements so far by nurturing stability, rather causing hormonal “whiplash” with another change.
You’re the greatest! Don’t go back to the “dark side”!
Thanks, might m! I’m happy to report that I woke up this morning and ate oatmeal with whole milk, banana, honey and walnuts. No slow carb. Last night I cried and cried because I knew I couldn’t diet. While I have the willpower I know that it’s not the best thing for me. That was heartbreaking for some reason but I know that deep down I don’t want to go back to restricting and eating only certain foods.
I know there’s nothing to be desperate about but I just feel fed up and wish that I was loosing weight. You’re right though that I should just nurture myself and not go back to the dark side. I know my body just needs time and love. What I also realize is that I’ve skimped on my mindfulness and therapy since going back to work. Im going to go back to my practice.
It sounds to me, saisrice, that you felt the saddest when you hadn’t eaten properly that day- “last night I cried and cried”. When you had a decent breakfast you were more optimistic and “happy to report”.
I’m doing T-Tapp, which in an exercise that was created for people with chronic fatigue and diabetes but can be done by anyone. It’s great for your thyroid as well and a lot of women going through menopause use it.
I started with the 15 minute workout but now moved on the the next video thats 55 minutes. It’s not cardio and doesn’t involve weights, it’s more like Pilates. I have to take it easy on exercise since I’m prone to loosing my period and can get obsessive about running or cardio.
It sounds like you are doing great. Recovery is hard work sometimes. Not letting the ” omg,I am so fat I must restrict/diet ” voice run us is challenging to say the least.
Sometimes it helps me to get in touch with why I am obsessing on my weight. Usually, I am feeling upset about something else and I blame my body and think that a diet or weight loss will make me ok. But sometimes I just need to feel what I am feeling and make room for that without self medicating with obsession on weight loss.
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