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Help me help my husband

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  • #10858
    MrsBMoo
    Participant

    Let me start by saying that no I am not a wife who tries to control my husband’s every move or mouthful, but I am pretty much solely responsible for all he eats and I want him to feel better so I am asking. He has given up and just says he is old(at 48).
    10 years ago when we met, DH was about 270, radiated heat constantly, felt good on 6 hours sleep, had a high sex drive and we both ate processed food and tons of it. Then he became diabetic. When he was diagnosed, his blood sugar was 853. He went on metformin and was told that if he lost weight he might be able to get off his meds. Well for separate reasons, about 2 yrs after that I began eating less processed and limiting my food. He lost 30 pounds and still felt great. His A1C was almost that of a normal person, if he was active, he could skip his meds. About 18 months ago, he started going downhill. By that I mean, skin infections didn’t heal, he constantly felt run down, caught more viruses and was sicker when he did. He got very grey in his beard and hair. He was mentally interested in sex but his body didn’t always come through. He was often cold to the touch at night. Many things upset his stomach and gave him gas. So we started trying things in his diet. We went paleo-ish, and he gained weight. We tried lowering carbs and he got shaky at work(it isn’t a desk job). We tried limiting his food. No improvement. Six months into this he got put on third shift, which has complete disrupted his sleep although the problem started before third shift. The only thing I determined through all this experimenting was, beans, soy and milk didn’t agree with him and that he wasn’t eating but maybe 30% more than I was(and I weigh 156). So now he eats what we all eat, 90% from scratch. An average day would look like 8am- a big bowl of oats with dried fruit and cream and then bed for 4-6 hours. Dinner of standard meat, vegetables, bread or rice, with a small homemade dessert around 6pm. Then packing a PB and J, an ounce of cheese, an ounce of nuts and a banana for work to be eaten between 11pm and 7am. His job can be very physical but there are also sedentary nights. He is open to strength exercises but feels he needs expensive equipment to do it.
    He would love to be thinner, I just want him to stop acting like my 89 yr old dad. Any helpful experiences? Things to try that I haven’t yet?

    • This topic was modified 8 years, 10 months ago by MrsBMoo.
    #10869
    The Real Amy
    Moderator

    Hi MrsBMoo, one question I have is, did anything unusual precede his downturn 18 months ago? Was there some stress? Do you have a hunch about what caused it? I’m not familiar with metformin’s side effects, but have you looked into whether it can cause digestive or energy issues?

    I ask all of this because some answers may lie there. It sounds like a great thing that you figured out what bothered him diet-wise. You eat a pretty moderate and healthy-sounding diet, so assuming he eats enough, I would think what might be most helpful is stuff like good sleep, stress reduction and the strength exercises as you mentioned. Even if he did free stuff at home like push-ups.

    #10905
    MrsBMoo
    Participant

    I see a number of suspicious factors like the stress, lack of sustained sleep and possible undereating. Yet clearly, it is unrealistic to quit his job, he is supporting 4 people, partially supporting 3 more, has a mortgage, etc. The stress is 90% from the job so little reduction in stress seems possible. He will eat very little all week at work and sleep very little, then feel sick and sleep a lot and eat huge amounts all weekend. Like I said, he pretty much just feels like he is doomed to age quickly and die early and feels like he is a failure. Other than some family and over-commitment related stress, I feel like I am just hitting my stride at 47. It is getting to be like being married to my Dad. Since food is the only factor I can change, I was hoping there was something I could do to raise his metabolism, give him energy, help him feel better.

    #10907
    The Real Amy
    Moderator

    There is plenty that can be done. I wouldn’t say no stress reduction is possible, because a huge component of stress is mental. Maybe he can’t change the job, but he can change his own stress reactions and behaviors. For example, if you can get him to eat regularly during the work week (maybe pack some things that are very easy to eat), that would be something. However, you can very rarely change or save another person. He will have to want it.

    Also, I would check out the side effects of metformin, as I mentioned above. Here’s a drug.com link for starters http://www.drugs.com/sfx/metformin-side-effects.html Just looking quickly, it looks like sometimes a B12 deficiency can develop. B12 deficiency will make you exhausted and lethargic, so at the very least I would recommend he have a blood test to check. Sounds like stomach issues with the drug are common. too.

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