Metabolism stall BF mom of 4

I have been following 180 for several years now on and off (the website not necessarily the method). It actually brought me out of my venture into paleo which was triggered by the recommendation for my kids to go dairy free then gluten free. Once I started reading 180 (and seeing my daughter become obsessive about food) I quit paleo for me and gluten free dairy free for the kids. I honestly think they were starving (though we did see behavior/focus improvement).

I ended up pretty much doing my best to prepare healthy food. At that time there was the HED diet on here and I just couldn’t manage preparing the quantity of food for a family of 5 that would be needed if we were not eating refined starches etc.

I did gain a bit of weight (probably ended up 140-145lb at 5’8″….always considered 132-138lb to be my ideal). I also managed to get pregnant with our 4th which we had been trying for a year without success after very easily conceiving our 3 others.

The year of my pregnancy was VERY high stress and I ballooned up to 200lb! After baby was born I got down to 162 and stalled. The little guy wasn’t pooping regularly and I was pretty much eating whatever as my motivation for healthy eating/food prep was gone. I realized I was probably not eating nearly enough calories after I tracked my caloric intake for a day or 2 so I intentionally upped and came back here to see what Matt was up to.

I finally gave up and used the feedbag method for my SUPER picky 4 yo and started letting everyone eat whatever they wanted. It was the first time I’ve eaten whatever and not felt guilty about it. My cravings went away but I also put on 25 lbs so I’m hanging out around 185 right now. My temps came up (at one point when I had done several candida diets etc my am temps were in the 95s). I quit waking up at night and my anxiety went down.

I still have a hard time getting enough sleep and I feel my anxiety has come back some, esp. post ovulation. I am still nursing my 14 month old. I have lost interest in food. I eat cold cereal most days for b’fast b’c I don’t really care (kids eat it too which they LOVED at first b’c I never let them have it). MY calorie intake is down b’c I don’t care about eating or cooking. I used to love to cook.

I have had my temps as high as 99.3 but they still tend to be in the 97s in the am I think. I don’t remember to take it very often.

I’m not sure where to go from here. I would like to take a few walks a week but it is hard to do without kids since I homeschool and walking with kids is like herding cats.

The extra weight is very hard for me as my family has always been pretty “health” conscious. My dad was still commenting on my weight even after I was married. My dad and step mom wanted me on a diet when I was 4 or 5 and my sisters are very petite. I am trying to accept my body but not having clothes that fit and the feeling of my gut just gross me out. When I do look for clothes I don’t like how they fit. I amazes me how much I hated my body when I was thin now that I am not so thin.

Ok this turned into a long history and a bit of a rant so if you made it this far thanks for listening. I guess I just don’t know what to do next.
Jamie