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I know… call me vain, shallow and neurotic… basically, everything this book goes against.. BUT I CAN’T HELP IT!!!
(Oh, and another confession, only half way thru book, then jumped to FAQ’s and What to Expect AND COMPLETELY FREAKED OUT!!) Up until this point I was most DEF on the same page (I promise Matt!) I think I just need to take break and digest (excuse the pun) all that I’ve just read… but I’m just being honest, the thought of gaining the weight that I’ve lost in the last 12 months freaks me out.
Maybe I should introduce myself here and tell a bit of my story. I had an eating disorder (bulimia) throughout my 20’s and 30’s (never written that down ANYWHERE before, and it makes me a bit nervous!) I’m now 43, had my first child at 37 and my next at 39. My eating disorder ‘disappeared’ when I cut my mother out of my life… a very, very toxic relationship. After this my diet was varied and I ate anything I felt like, when I felt like it.
This all happened around the age of 35. I felt much happier and better about myself almost instantly. I told my partner I was now ready to entertain the idea of having children (was way too scared before this, and he didn’t pressure me, he’s a saint and we’ve been together throughout all this… 21 years :) I digress….
Anyway, after having my two kids we contracted Gardia (about 2 years ago) and took some heavy duty antibiotics. I think this triggered my already compromised gut (for obvious reasons… years of abuse) even further to the point where I couldn’t work out what was wrong with me… this lead me on what I thought (up until reading this book) was my ‘health journey’. I started with trying to cut certain foods out, namely dairy…. to no avail and quickly soon gave up (wasn’t really committed). A few months later I came across the HCG diet and thought this would help me figure out what foods I was not tolerating well. A few months of this and I discovered the GAPS diet and have been doing this pretty much up until the last month.
Whilst on HCG I quickly lost the 9 kilos in weight I had been trying to shift for what seemed an eternity (from 64 kilos to 55 kilos… admittedly 55 kilos was prob a bit low) I felt terrific whilst doing these, but as I tried to add in foods, I hit brick walls… so stayed on a very strict diet, which I didn’t mind as long as I felt good!!! But then, at the beginning of this year the ‘honeymoon’ was over, I started to gain weight, have incredible sinus and sneezing fits, low energy, CONSTIPATION (??!!!) and just felt generally low…. I couldn’t work it out. I looked at oxalates, histamines, and other things I can’t spell off the top of my head!!! Then someone on the GAPS FB page recommended this book. Whilst waiting for the book I had a look around the website and liked what I heard… I stopped fearing food and started to relax… and instantly felt better :)
I’m just not sure I’m ready to go the whole hog… yet!! Anyone experience the same anxieties… not surprising I guess given my history… I’ve even started having awful dreams about food (where I purge… I haven’t felt that way in years…. and I HATE that feeling!!)
Wow, sorry for the ESSAY!! Just needed to get that off my chest!! Due to my kiddies running around at the mo, I haven’t even had a chance to read others messages on here, but will do so tonight :) So forgive me if I’m repeating what’s already been ‘aired’ – or if I’ve posted this in the wrong spot… please feel free to tell me if I have.
Thanks for listening, feel better already!! But, I do think I need to take this a bit slower than I first thought!!!
Yep, I was scared of the gain as well… especially since when I started I needed to lose about 60 pounds already and now it’s more like 80 :(
However, let me tell you the other things that happened. Perhaps this will help give you the courage to go ahead with this. I now can sleep for the first time, without medication, in about 15 years. I have had lots of symptoms of hypothyroidism and have had fibromyalgia for 20 years. (I am 44 so close in age to you! Also had my kids at 35 and 37.) I am seeing a big reduction in fibromyalgia pain and the fatigue from that is slowly lifting. My moods are much more stable now. Libido is great! My digestion is humming along very well and I can eat just about anything without any issues. My temperatures are consistently running in the mid-high 98’s now, up from 96’s. Sometimes I’m even 99! My hands and feet are warm. The dry skin on my feet that was like velcro and stuck to my socks is going away. My hair and nails are growing like weeds. My skin looks better at 44 than it did at 16. I’m becoming more engaged in life because I finally have the energy to do so. My teeth are even whiter with no help at all from chemicals and a few inflamed areas on my gums have spontaneously resolved. Periods are fine with no PMS and no cramps.
I’ve put on weight, yes. But please look at all the health changes I’ve listed above. The gain was worth it, IMO. Just having a spontaneous and instant end to the chronic insomnia was HUGE. I’d take the weight gain any day just to sleep. I cannot wait to tell my doctor how I CURED my insomnia. She probably won’t even believe me! I’ve seriously taken medication nearly every night for so many years. I don’t need it anymore. (I did use some while traveling but I don’t sleep well in weird beds… perhaps that will change as well.) And to be taking less medication for all the fibromyalgia pain is HUGE. I can only assume that the weight will come off as my body heals.
If you need to take it slow, it’s fine, and I’ll be here to support you when you do. :)
It really depends on risk to reward. First off, it sounds like you are gaining weight now. So you’ll probably gain the weight eventually anyway, but do so scratching and clawing and fighting to resist it, hungry and constipated the whole way.
Secondly, if there’s not much wrong with you, why do it? Why do anything for your health at all if you’re reasonably healthy? The odds that you’ll screw something up and have regrets and miss out on life in the process is very high.
Having said that, it’s obviously worth it for Finngarian to have had improvements in truly debilitating diseases. 20 pounds is an easy trade off for those improvements. We also cannot see into the future. For all we know Finngarian may be 50 pounds lighter 3 years from now without ever doing any “work” for it at all. We just don’t know that.
So don’t get too caught up in the short-term.
If you truly can’t handle gaining weight, then you probably shouldn’t do it.
Thanks for sharing Finngarian.
I’m 43, had my daughter at 35 and I’ve gained about 20 pounds too. I’ve had some definite improvements in health. Hadn’t even thought about PMS being better until now, but I definitely think it is less awful than before.
Oh gosh, thanks so much for that Matt. Really lifted my spirits. :) I can’t get over how much better I feel just from eating more. It’s really still quite amazing to me. The other day we’d gotten home from traveling and I didn’t eat like I needed to, and I really felt it later on. So amazing that it was something that simple, after reading and hearing for years and years that fibromyalgia had no cure and I figured I’d never sleep, ever without drugs.
Thanks guys, I really take on board all that you say. Thanks so much for the support Finngarian… very sweet of you and I really do appreciate it :)
And, yes Matt, I couldn’t agree more… in retrospect I look back and wonder why I even started GAPS, I’m not sure my issues were that bad to begin with… and altho things improved initially (as you write in your book) things def got worse…. my symptoms just recently were the return of my bloated belly, even some of the eczema was returning that had magically disappeared whilst on GAPS, my periods are shot… all over the place (something I really wouldn’t mind sorting out), my skin is INCREDIBLY dry… and like I said, constipation.
But, just from reading this blog, before even getting the book I think I started to move in the right direction by just relaxing a bit about it all… I think I was on GAPS waaaaaaay longer than I needed to be (as this diet also talks about reintroducing carbs, when ready, so I feel that’s what I’m now doing).
My body temp is low tho (unless my thermometer is dodgy)… I’ve been taking my temp regularly and it’s around the 35/36C mark…. eek! But when I have a brekkie full of carbs, I later take my temp as I feel visibly warmer and sweatier (have to say, not a nice feeling!) and it’s been lower??!!
Anyway, I really appreciate the input. I’ll read the book and see how I feel as I go.
Thank you :)
Oh and I meant to add, just from relaxing a LITTLE about what I eat (still got a long way to go… clearly) I’ve noticed improvements, mainly with the constipation… which is why I think this is the right thing for me to do… I just need to get my head around it is all, and I think that’s more about being at peace with who I am now (rather than striving to be someone better all the time) and my yoga and meditation could do with being put back into practice I reckon!!
Okay, that’s enough about me… for now :)
Basically, you’re going to gain weight no matter what. If you’re dieting, your metabolism will slow = weight gain. Or you can gain weight eating whatever the hell you want. I’d go with the 2nd idea, because at least your health will improve.
Sorry to sound so blunt; it is not out of being unsupportive. Diet/ED recovery SUCKS. But also, once you’re recovered you won’t have the fears you have anymore. I gained 60 lbs. So f*ing what. I’m fun as shit to be around, I’m putting this brain of mine to good use these days (the things you learn you can do when you’re not starving! Piano! Spanish! Grad School!) Plus chocolate for breakfast is just beautiful.
There’s way more to life than weight. But unfortunately you can only see that when you’re healed. The Catch-22 is a doozy but…just take the red pill. You’ll be glad you did.
Constipation was the first improvement for me as well.
Are you tracking your calories and stuff still? Why not just add 50-100 calories per week. Your rise in metabolism will be much slower.. but you should gain less weight.
Thanks for posting the ‘Trust Your Body Part II’ article on FB Matt… I would say so on FB itself, but I’m ashamed of my shallow self!!!
I’m not ready yet to count calories… I’m just going to listen to my body more… and not overeat (like I felt I have been these last few days).
I had added homemade toast to my brekkie menu… and some sugar. My skin broke out and got real itchy… so no wheat for me for now. Just more variety and more carbs maybe in other forms :)
And, blunt is good MilaMonster!! I have absolutely no issues with that :)
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