Blog › Forums › Eat the Food! › Spouse wants me to stop eating cookies!
- This topic has 4 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 9 years, 2 months ago by Kaza.
January 2, 2014 at 6:31 pm #14441jstateParticipant
That’s a rather simplistic title for what’s going on. Here is the reader’s digest version:
Post college graduation 6 years ago (I was very healthy up until then, ate what I wanted, etc), I gained a little weight probably due to stress and irregular eating with my new fulltime job. I went on Nutrisystem and lost 30 lbs which seemed awesome at the time. Since then I’ve had a couple babies and been on and off the low-calorie diet wagon. My overall weight has gone up, up, up and around May this past year I ran across 180degreehealth and made an about-face. I didn’t jump in 100% though but since some of the books were recently offered for free, I’ve started working on eating for heat, etc. I feel like I’m still in the infant stages of learning and meanwhile I’ve gained several more pounds.
Therein is the crux of the problem. I know I need to be patient and get my health in order but I’m getting slack from my spouse that’s not interested in learning about eating the food, etc. All he sees is the increased poundage. I love and respect my spouse, I just need a way to talk about what I’m trying to do for myself that doesn’t sound like crazy talk. I would be easier if I had started all in at the beginning so I could show more other benefits but I’m feeling way better overall, reduced hair-loss, etc. He wants to see the #s on the scale go down and I’m not sure when that will happen for me. It’s frustrating when I am feeling patient but living with someone who is not. Perhaps I just need to vent about it.January 3, 2014 at 4:47 pm #14458ErinElizabethParticipant
This may not be very helpful, but this is a case where I’d simply say “too bad, Honey. My health and how *I* feel are more important than a number on a scale.”
You say all he can see is the increased poundage, but if you really are feeling better then that will start to show as your healing progresses. I’ve gained a lot of weight on my journey so far and while my husband doesn’t love it he can see some of the improvements in how I feel so while he is too afraid to go down the road himself because of the weight gain (he needs it desperately: morning temps of BARELY 96F regularly) he isn’t giving me any flak about it either.
I also suggest hiding or throwing out the scale, as has been said a good bit of the weight gain during recovery can be muscle, bone, and organ regrowth none of which look any good on the scale but all of which are awesome reasons to gain weight. I did that here and while my husband whined a bit at first he got over it pretty quickly. :)
I hope you can find a way to help your husband understand as an extra stressor in the form of your husband’s worry does no one any good.January 5, 2014 at 12:50 am #14504DavidModerator
I agree with Erin on two points. First, you are the only one truly responsible for your health, and some decisions you have to make alone. Ultimately, it is your life, and life without good health isn’t worth much. Second, the number on the scale isn’t always a good indicator of what’s happening. You’ll have to decide whether the weight gain is healthy tissue or just unneeded fat.
On the other hand, it’s worth listening to your husband’s concerns, because I’m sure he cares about your health too. My wife also gave me some grief when I put on some extra weight, and I wasn’t happy about it, but now I know that she was right (even if I don’t like how she went about telling me!).
Finally, your husband might feel that he is protecting you from doing damage to yourself, and he probably doesn’t understand why you are making a sudden change. It’s natural for him to be worried, although I do hope he is communicating that worry in a respectful way.January 6, 2014 at 10:59 am #14536jstateParticipant
Thanks for the replies!
He is being very respectful so I guess it could certainly be more frustrating. I appreciate the input, it was nice to talk to someone about it!January 6, 2014 at 3:17 pm #14540KazaParticipant
Hi jstate, just wanted to add that you are not alone. I have put a lot (and I mean a LOT) of weight on since March last year but I was in a very bad way. V skinny, having panic attacks most days, not sleeping, hair falling out etc etc. I’ve gone from 124 lbs to almost 200 lbs. This is fairly horrific for me as I’ve always been a slim person but I’m trying to keep calm and tell myself its for the greater good. It’s been a long, slow journey! Making things far worse though… enter the boyfriend…who I’ve been with for nearly 7 years. He no longer likes the way I look. He thinks I’m crazy and am just doing something else extreme now (I got into this mess by being very extreme low carb for 3 years). He doesn’t really listen to me when I tell him that I’m starting to feel better (although it’s very up and down) and just judges by the way you look. I look kind of like I would imagine a pregnant duck to look!! Very large bottom and very large, pregnant looking stomach..which often feels like alien babies are going to pop out of it! I’ve gone up so many dress sizes and he is just beside himself…which he tells me is for the sake of my health??? Anyway, I think I just wanted to vent too! I get frustrated by so many things, ie. its hard to find clothes to fit, I still don’t feel so much better (which would offset the way I look a little bit!) and the lack of support from my boyfriend. I like to tell myself we’ll all get there in the end though, with much greater health, no matter what the state of our relationships (although yours sounds a bit better than mine so hopefully you guys will be fine)…and greater health is definitely a prize worth fighting for :-) Good luck xxx
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