Ssshhhhh!!! Quiet by Susan Cain

I feel your pain. I was married to an extrovert for almost 25 years. It wasn’t till we started geeking out on personality typing that we started to understand some of the problems we had, and then we broke up. Not that I think that being with another introvert is necessarily the answer, just tried that. Anyway, even reading about it and “understanding” it better couldn’t make my ex adapt to my world. She just couldn’t, it’s not in her nature. Since we are in the minority, it really does seem pretty hopeless to get extroverts to understand us. Parties and most other social gatherings are pretty bad, because the point is usually to be extroverted. Alcohol can help sometimes. Generally I feel depressed and let down after parties, even if they were sort of fun, even mine when they go well. It’s not that I’d rather be at home reading a book,it’s more like I’d just rather do that than be in a room with a bunch of extroverts who’s whole point for being there is to be MORE extroverted! I like connecting with people and talking and even goofing off sometimes, but most social interactions leave me exhausted, and I’m classically better in small groups. I’m usually the one at the party helping clean up or walking around outside looking for a project. I just heard the escape route tip somewhere, as in have a planned escape route from social functions so you don’t have to stress about it. Good tip.

My aha moment was reading some book about personality typing, which just helped the pieces that I mostly already knew fall into place. I don’t try to hide it, or adapt much, which causes some problems, but mostly for other people who are trying to figure out if I like them or hate them or what. I have terrible social skills. I’ll check out the book. I’m sure I could use some help dealing with it or understanding it better. I try not to paint myself or anyone else too far into a corner with the various labels. They are helpful as a lens through which to see the world that can shed some light, but all those categories and labels are just inadequate symbols, not real things that can really explain our lives, how we got here and where we’re headed.. or for that matter our potential to be otherwise. It has been helpful for me though, if not in relationships, at least in finding more peace with some of it.

@sue I also get physical symptoms from talking too much. It’s a real strain. I teach sometimes, and after a long day of talking, actually even after lecturing for an hour, I’m totally wiped out. My voice gets thin and weak pretty fast, my throat feels funny, and I feel agitated, physically drained and so ready to be done.

I was diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue too. I think it’s a bullshit diagnosis, but sometimes any diagnosis can be a relief. I prefer the Lyme diagnosis since, for me, it can be traced to an infective event and has at least a known “causative” agent. I think it’s likely though that many people can be exposed to even fairly virulent disease organisms and be basically healthy and fine, while others of us head into a downward spiral. Why that is seems like the best question to be asking right now. Our disease (whatever gremlins are running around inside us) may actually be susceptibility more than anything else. That’s not to totally dis’ the germ theory. Obviously if we are infected with very virulent disease causing organisms, many of us will get sick. I’m just saying that organisms alone probably can’t be blamed for a lot of chronic illness. I can usually communicate, but not always easily. I have frequently had difficulty finding and forming words, and with stuttering and slurring, dropping words, and stuff like that. I get in this certain state where I’m like that, usually associated with muscle weakness, ataxia and generally poor coordination… knocking stuff over, stumbling, jerky movements, limb twitches etc… I always figured it was neurological. I haven’t had those symptoms in a while but I still have a lot of hearing sensitivity that I’m pretty sure is neurological in nature. Hopefully my body will take all these calories and do something to fix those problems.

I’m hearing sensitive too, very. scents, too. I also got a chronic infection diagnosis (rickettsia) and treatment, which helped a lot but not entirely and yes I do think there is something to it. But the doc herself admitted there was something else underlying it that made some people get it and others not. I pondered that for years, and now I think that it is a constitutional weakness like low metab. In my case I also suspect a long term somewhat unhappy liver, having been asked years ago by another doc if I was an alcoholic due to liver enzymes! (I drink almost nothing, because guess what my liver hates it and I get hangover symptoms with the 2nd drink, and 90% time don’t even want 1 let alone 2 or more.)
I’m feeling a lot better liver-wise on eggs, chicken liver pate and dandelion tea by the way. And whatever else I can do to handle estrogen, which in my case is milky sweet coffee, and progesterone cream for now. Also Steven I read one of your posts in I think the exercise section and other than wondering where the guinea fowl came from (!) I recognized many of my same symptoms but couldn’t reply at the time.So just in case it helps and if I recall this one correctly: aching feet and ankles has been a big one for me. I think it’s meant to be uric acid from too much meat before. It took ages to go but it did go.

Some good stuff on introversion here: http://elibishop.com/2011/07/27/10-myths-about-introverts/