November 28, 2013 at 11:26 pm #13954
I feel like I’m not qualified to give you the help you need, but I want to tell you that I hope you can see that suicide is not the answer. As I’ve heard it said, suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. No matter how terrible your situation seems right now, you have a long life ahead of you, full of experiences that you cannot even imagine right now.
I also went through a suicidal period. Long years of bad health weighed heavily on me, and I found it almost impossible to deal with the stresses that I was facing on a day-to-day basis. I will be honest. I was on the verge of blowing all my money on drugs and ending my life in a last desperate high, because at that point nothing made sense except the artificial pleasure of drugs. As far as I could tell, life didn’t have anything to offer except shit and short-term meaningless pleasures.
Everything has changed now, a fact I was just talking to my wife about tonight. I’m living a meaningful life, enjoying myself, and I never could have gotten here if I had given up during the dark times. I guarantee you, you will also break through and start to enjoy life again. It may even happen when you least expect it. Your best years are still ahead of you.
I hope you don’t fixate entirely on the 4,500 euro that you need for your course, because happiness may come from an unexpected place. If you are feeling overwhelmed, I hope you will seek help, because there are people who care about you enough to help you–and you may not even know them yet. I care about you, and I’m just a random face on the internet. Imagine how much support you could receive if you opened up to the people who are actually in your life, who could talk to you face-to-face. I know these people are out there.
It’s not all shit. There are better times ahead of you.November 29, 2013 at 7:18 pm #13958
@David I knew that you,even though you mean well,and in a matter of time others suggest ‘seeking help’ which usually means therapy or whatever,but it wouldn’t work because it doesn’t get rid of the unemployment&finance situation and thats basically is what after years now has completely worn me out. I want to go ahead in life again and not in the same constant circle which will only get harder to break out off everyday because I’m getting older by the day,which means my chances slimming by the day.
I’ve never had dreams/wishes to get married,have children etc. so that’s not a goal either to work for. I’m just being realistic here,if I can’t get on with life and just have to repeat the same day all over there’s no need for me anymore to go on,see the point of living on.
Yes,there’s the argument of ‘what about others who care for you’….well,they don’t have to live my existence and I’ve always cared for others put their needs first and so now that I want to do and live for myself for once I get cockblocked by all kinds of laws,financial issues etc.November 29, 2013 at 7:58 pm #13960
You’re focusing on external issues, but you should consider that the real problem could be depression. I won’t deny that unemployment and poverty can be extremely painful, and it’s understandable to feel hopeless in your situation, but this is a mental state. You can recover from depression even if you continue to have financial problems, and in fact recovery could help with your job search.
I don’t understand why you are so dismissive of professional help. Have you ever tried therapy or antidepressants? Have you ever been hospitalized? You wouldn’t lose anything by trying, and you could gain everything.
I’m not asking you to reconsider your decision for the benefit of your friends or family, but for yourself. Once you’re dead, that’s it forever. You don’t get another chance. And if there’s happiness or new experiences in store for you later in life–experiences that you cannot imagine now because of your depression–you will have missed out on them.
I also thought of suicide as rational decision, but that was because my thinking was distorted by pain and depression. Now I’m happier with my life than I’ve been in a decade. If I had given up, I would have missed out on a lot.
Have you spoken to any of your friends of family about your plan to commit suicide? Does anyone know how depressed you are? If they don’t, then I think you should talk to someone as soon as you can. You don’t have anything to lose by putting a serious effort into getting better. You might think it’s a waste of time, but do you have something better to do? At least it would be something different to do with your day, right?November 29, 2013 at 8:08 pm #13961
That’s what I’m trying to make clear…..I am not depressed! I have no life traumatic emotional issues to be depressed about,in this case it’s purely a practical thing.What’s the point of reliving everyday…life is meant to live,not to repeat over&over.
Ironically my sister went to a psychic a while ago and for some reason she told my sister I would die over 2months…..my sister&mom were shocked but honestly I couldn’t care less if it were to be true….as a child I always had this feeling I would never grow old,so who knows….
Yes,I’ve probably did every therapy out there in the past for several reasons back then….only to find out,that there is actually nothing wrong with me and shrinks would like you to believe so by labelling you.
It’s not in my head and I’m not depressed…..I’m just being realistic&hones here about the fact that I don’t care anymore if I’d cease to exist.November 29, 2013 at 8:26 pm #13962
Depression doesn’t require traumatic life experiences–sometime it just happens. There doesn’t happen to be a reason. Our brains can malfunction just like our bodies can.
You say you aren’t depressed, but then you describe several symptoms of depression, the biggest of which is that you no longer take pleasure in life and don’t care if you live or die. You also say that you feel trapped in an endless cycle, that you’re worn out, and that you don’t have anything to live for. That’s pretty much textbook depression.
What’s stopping you from breaking out of your day-to-day cycle? What’s stopping you from getting out and living your life? It’s not your external circumstances, as hard as they might be. People can be poor and unemployed and still enjoy life. I am not a doctor, but I think it’s clear that you are ill. That’s nothing to be ashamed of. I’ve struggled with mental illness in my past. Many people who I love and respect have dealt with mental illness.
Let’s say you’re right, and you aren’t really depressed. What would you lose by seeking help? You can still kill yourself later if you want to, and you’ve already said you don’t have anything better to do with your time. And if you talk openly to friends and family, then go see a doctor and talk to him honestly too, and nothing helps, then you could come back here and give me a big “I told you so.” That’s got to be worth something.November 29, 2013 at 8:31 pm #13963
@David Nevermind….I can’t get my thougths&feelings across probably also due to language barrier.
You’re free to think I’m depressed…..just like I’m free to know I’m not and certainly not go into therapy or seek help. The only help I’m seeking is help to get money together to move on.
When that happens I’m gonna come back and give you the “I told you so!”;)November 29, 2013 at 8:41 pm #13964
OK, I look forward to it! :)
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