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Okay, I need peace of mind.
Background: my heighest weight ever was 196 when I was 21-22. I did WW for a little bit and lost 15ish lbs on it. Then a little bit after that, at the age of 22 I had my first heart break. Looking back now at age 27, I see that this triggered my ED. I lost a good 30 lbs in a month by surviving on Cheese-its and water. I ended up plateauing around 147 lbs. Then around 24, for whatever reason– relationship/school/need to prove to myself I started restricting calories (which I may have been doing the whole time since WW but added in purging once in a while. The smallest I got down to was last summer at 125 lbs — no periods/mental breakdowns/horrible person — I was starving. I couldn’t do it anymore and went to see a psychiatrist who put me on anti-anxiety med in early fall 2012 — then weight started coming on and I was able to rationalize and want to be healthy. I started quasi-recovery in Jan; was eating more but still exercising, still gaining weight. It’s now July, I’ve cut out exercise for about 3 months and am now trying to eat 2500 cals. I’ve gained over 40 lbs now and it’s starting to wear me down. I’m terrified I’m never going to stabilize. I’m at 175ish lbs (5’8″)… My nails and body hair grow like weeds, my temp was 98.2 when I went to the doctor last week, my periods are consecutive, never had probs with being horny… Shouldn’t these all be signs that I should be stabilized or close to it? Could it be that I’m still not eating enough calories? I work full-time, standing on my feet for about 8 hrs/day. I just need something to keep me going with this. I was strong enough to have an ED for 3 yrs, I want to be strong enough to get through this too.I would think that you are very close. Those are all great signs and you know they are signs that your physical function is improving. Pay more attention to them than a number on a scale.
If you must track changes in body composition at all to be reassured you’ve reached the point of stabilization, at least do a waist measurement in the morning or something. For all you know now you might be gaining pure muscle, organ, and bone and completing the most important part of the recovery process at this point (remember that stuff is added more so at the end after the fat piles on).
You’ve come far and should be quite proud of what you’ve done. So many trying to recover fail again and again and again. Take it all the way so the next decade of your life can be different from the last.
You sound like you are doing wonderful! I’m actually jealous…I’ve been in recovery for months and my hair still won’t grow. Keep up what you’re doing! Every time I get discouraged about the weight, I remember that its still not as bad as the ED was. Its hard to see it now, but in a few years this will be so worth it.
jessg23, I understand the frustration of any eating disorder. Your physical symptoms sound like you are well on your way to remisison. Congrats on stopping the exercise, this is where I still struggle. I have had two new injuries in the last year, so you definitely made a wonderful choice there. If you are honoring all hunger and not restricting at all then you should be very close :).
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