As others said see a pro. I just wanted to chime in to say that you are showing classic symptoms of ED – fear of being fat (discussing the swelling in the face, trying to eat like other people going several hours between meals), body avoidance (not wanting to look at yourself in the mirror), anger at self for not being able to control.
It’s more than just freeze or overeat that’s involved with recovery, it’s forming a new relationship with food. I don’t know what that relationship will be, but letting go of fear of fatness, being completely involved in your own healing and weight gain, these things are really important. Anorexia has the highest mortality out of any other psychiatric illness; to not recover is to perish. Sounds like you’re pretty close to that, but once you’re nursed to good health you’ll feel better.
Following instincts is important but another aspect is not letting much time pass between meals. You should have snacks a few times a day and regular meals, eating until satiated. Cheers