Select Page

Ironrod

Forum Replies Created

Viewing 15 posts - 16 through 30 (of 40 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • in reply to: Crazy-ass Shit I've Tried Thread #11455
    Ironrod
    Participant

    Hey Thomas-You are so right, my friend.
    It was masochistic indeed.
    The suicidal element really came into play after I discovered that I had managed to marry a violent sociopath.
    That’s why I wear the armor now. ;)

    in reply to: Crazy-ass Shit I've Tried Thread #11366
    Ironrod
    Participant

    I got married once.

    in reply to: Nutritionally Correct News goes live #10382
    Ironrod
    Participant

    Hi Steven. I’m glad that you approve of my goofy ads.
    I did read your article about the catalyst of world peace AKA coconut oil. That was quite hilarious!
    Good parody has to have an element of truth, and that one was spot-on. (As anyone who follows healthy eating blogs knows.)

    in reply to: Nutritionally Correct News goes live #10129
    Ironrod
    Participant

    Hey Steven- As I was driving last night, I had a couple of ideas for faux ads for your blog. Allow me to run them by you:

    1. Everyone these days knows that Paleo eating is where it’s at. The mantra for today is What Would Oog Eat? (WWOE) But, despite the health advantages of the Paleo lifestyle, we still enjoy many of our modern foods and so seek ways to make them Paleo-friendly. A good example of this is soda. Everyone loves soda, but it’s certainly not something that Oog ever consumed. That’s why we at Bark’s are proud to announce the availability of our new Bark’s brand Root Beer. Made with real bark! And roots! The bark provides an abundant source of fiber that will scrub your digestive tract right out. Best of all, it’s still Paleo! After all, it is possible that Oog ate bark at least some of the time, particularly when game was scarce in the Winter. Bark’s Root Beer is made from quality, all-organic ingredients, too, so you know it’s good for you.
    Take it from one of our satisfied customers, Ms. V.D. Hertz of Bedrock, NV:
    “I introduced my family to the Paleo lifestyle a couple of years ago. We have all benefited greatly from this WOE, but one thing that my kids really missed was their soda. So I was SO happy when I discovered Bark’s Root Beer! At first, the kids weren’t too sure about it. I even caught little Nestor pouring his first bottle into the fish tank, but after I convinced them to give it a try, they loved it. Now they drink it all the time. Best of all, I know that it is healthy for them. Thanks Bark’s!”
    No, V.D. Thank You.
    Bark’s, sold at all fine health food stores. Get some today!

    2.The Paleo lifestyle has swept the nation. Countless people are reporting a host of health benefits, including better sleep and weight loss, after adopting the Cave-man diet. One criticism that has been leveled at the diet is that it is difficult to get all of our necessary vitamins and minerals on such a meat-heavy diet without supplementation. Many Paleo-philes retort that Ook never needed supplements because he got all of his vitamins and minerals by eating the entire carcass of his prey, including bone marrow and cartilage and other assorted parts.
    But, in our modern fast paced world, many people find it difficult to find the time to fully prep an animal and harvest all the incidental parts necessary to get those important micro-nutrients.
    Well, not to worry. We at John Deere have you covered. That’s right, John Deere, makers of top quality agricultural machinery, has expanded into the home cooking market. We are proud to announce the availability of the John Deere WC 1105 Wood Chipper/Food Processor!
    With the John Deere WC 1105, you can get all the nutrition from your food in a fraction of the time. Simply throw the entire carcass into the WC 1105 and watch it do the work! Don’t forget to wear a helmet and safety glasses. (Sold separately.) The WC 1105 makes nutrient rich smoothies in a matter of minutes.
    Best of all, after you finish pureeing Bessie, the WC 1105 cleans up quickly and easily with an ordinary garden hose. Then you can use it to chip wood. Talk about versatility! The John Deere WC 1105 Wood Chipper/ Food Processor, no Paleo-friendly kitchen should be without it!
    And remember…Nothing runs like a Deere!

    So yeah, there you have it.
    I hope that you like these ideas. But, if not, I understand. I freely admit that I have an off-the-wall sense of humor.

    in reply to: Nutritionally Correct News goes live #9758
    Ironrod
    Participant

    Well done, Steven!
    I’m glad to see that you got it up.
    Whoops! Wait, wait, wait. Allow me to rephrase that.
    I’m glad to see that your healthy eating spoof blog is now on line.

    in reply to: Need help with spoof blog name! #9709
    Ironrod
    Participant

    Hey Thomas, it just occurred to me that I missed the opportunity to throw in a DragonBall Z joke earlier.

    Sort of like this:

    Thomas: Ironrod, look! It seems that we have a new challenger for the affections of TheRealAmy. His name is Coldmember.
    Ironrod: Really?! Quick, take a reading on his T-Levels!
    Thomas: IT’S OVER 9000!!!!

    What can I say? I am a geek.
    BTW-Even if you have never watched the DragonBall anime or read the manga, you still should enjoy these guys parody of the DragonBall series. These dudes are really funny, IMO, particularly after the first couple of episodes.
    http://teamfourstar.com/dbza-episodes/

    in reply to: Need help with spoof blog name! #9708
    Ironrod
    Participant

    Sounds good, Steven.
    “Goodness knows the world would be a better place with safer fruit.”
    You know…it’s kind of funny that you likely meant that in a humorous/ironic sense, but the consumption of pretty much any kind of fruit causes really negative reactions for me. Weird, eh?
    However, as this is the humor section, I cannot think about “safe fruit” without posting this link:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=piWCBOsJr-w

    in reply to: Need help with spoof blog name! #9662
    Ironrod
    Participant

    Oh, hey Steven. Still not derailing your thread Bro.
    I totally promise! Remember-beautiful women and health blogs. Totally compatible.
    How is the blog coming, BTW?

    in reply to: Need help with spoof blog name! #9661
    Ironrod
    Participant

    TheRealAmy-I couldn’t help but notice that you while you did say that Coldmember would be tough competition, you did not say that it was no contest!
    Me being the eternal optimist that I am (why I am not sure), I am taking that to imply that Thomas and I still have a shot here.
    Now, I also note that you mentioned that Mr. Coldmember already has a girlfriend. Soooo, he is off-limits anyway, right? Heh, heh, heh. Right?
    It just so happens that I do not have a girlfriend at this time. So, I am most definitely NOT off-limits. I realize that this information must come as a shock to you given my aforementioned resemblance to Swamp Thing, but it really is true.
    So, have mercy lovely lady. Show a little favor to your humble admirers Thomas and Ironrod. :)

    in reply to: Need help with spoof blog name! #9660
    Ironrod
    Participant

    Don’t give up yet, Thomas!
    I’m making myself a note right now to have my T-levels checked.
    We still have a shot at this!
    (BTW-thinning hair is a sign of high testosterone, right?)

    in reply to: Need help with spoof blog name! #9596
    Ironrod
    Participant

    Hey, Steven, I think you may have pointed out something in our favor.
    Maybe that guy still has low libido!
    Think about it, TheRealAmy. Do you really want to get mixed up with a guy who maybe, possibly, could have even kinda’ low libido?
    Why not play it safe and stick with Thomas and I? You already know that we definitely do NOT have that problem. :)

    (Coldmember-if you don’t still have low libido…please keep that information to yourself please. Thanks.)

    in reply to: Need help with spoof blog name! #9595
    Ironrod
    Participant

    http://images4.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20120616003317/random-ness/images/9/9f/Darth_vader_no.gif

    Oh, Thomas…that is most distressing indeed.
    I can’t compete with that guy. He’s young and lean and handsome, while I am (getting) old and fat and I bear an uncanny resemblance to Swamp Thing.
    *sigh*

    Ah well. I’m not giving up yet, though. I do have the whole “Ironrod” thing going for me and besides, I have you (as able and determined a competitor as anyone could ask for) as a team-mate in this most important endeavor. I am going to remain optimistic that, between the two of us, we may still win the day and get some choice pics out of her. Amazing things sometimes happen when people really exert themselves in pursuit of a common goal.

    in reply to: Need help with spoof blog name! #9540
    Ironrod
    Participant

    Oh, I am.
    Heh, heh, heh…I am.

    Thanks Steven.

    in reply to: Need help with spoof blog name! #9437
    Ironrod
    Participant

    TheRealAmy-
    First off, let me heartily concur with the sentiments expressed by my pal Thomas regarding boob size. Boobs are beautiful regardless of their size. So, please do not let any concern you may have regarding the overall mass of your Eye-Magnets hinder you from sharing them with your admirers.
    As Thomas said, we can change the name of our fictional website to SucculentBoobs, or BeautifulBoobs, or something similar. Whatever you prefer.
    (I also have to agree with Thomas about you being a good sport about this.) :)

    I am glad that you find my username appropriate. You have no idea just how appropriate it is. It always was spot-on, but it REALLY is now that I am in the midst of a nine-and-one-half year dry spell. (I probably shouldn’t have admitted that, but…what the hell? I just tell it like it is.)

    Ahhh, who needs a puritanical reputation anyway?
    According to the noted philosopher Billy Joel, only the good die young.
    Who wants to die young?

    in reply to: Need help with spoof blog name! #9435
    Ironrod
    Participant

    Oh my goodness.
    Thomas, Buddy. I love ya’ Bro, but couldn’t you have given me a little warning before posting that comparison-pic? I was scrolling down, full of anticipation of what TheRealAmy may have, could have, possibly might have posted for us and-GAH!
    The Dreaded Brown Eye! It was like a “jump-scare” in a video game. I went all “PewDiePie” all of a sudden.
    I know that Matt advises against drinking too much water…I wonder if there is any danger associated with pouring several gallons of water on ones’ eyes?

    After recovering, however, I did note the strong resemblance. Although, in truth, it must be said that there would have been a strong resemblance between your bare backside and most politicians, since most of them belong to the human subspecies that anthropologists refer to as “Asses.”

Viewing 15 posts - 16 through 30 (of 40 total)