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By Matt Stone

Low-Carb Mechanic (LCM)

Customer: My car has got something really wrong with it. When I step on the gas it doesn’t do anything for a moment, and then bursts forward.

LCM: Easy sport, sounds like a fuel-injection problem, probably due to too much driving. You see, the thing is, everyone in the world thinks gasoline is the best kind of fuel, but it’s not. In fact, powering your car with gasoline is the root problem of all auto failure. Without gas, cars remain in mint condition forever. With gas, you’re bound to run into worn out tires, engine corrosion, valves getting choked off with gunk, and your oil not circulating through the engine. It just keeps piling up. What you need is to start putting grass and water into your fuel tank. Here, let me drain the gas from the tank and replace it with grass and water.

Customer: Wow, great! I had no idea that gasoline was so harmful! (Tries to start engine). Uh oh, now the car won’t start.

LCM: Great! That’s the idea. If your car’s fuel delivery isn’t working properly, you just remove the fuel and all the problems associated with poor fuel injection just fall by the wayside. Without fuel, your car’s engine will last forever. Even the tires will still be good as new 30 years from now!

Customer: Sorry but, doesn’t it make more sense to fix the fuel-injection system so that my car uses the gas like it’s supposed to? I bought it so that I could drive it, not just let it sit around doing nothing.

LCM: You’re not getting it here bud. Cars never had problems until we started using gasoline to get around. Transportation evolved to have horses pulling our buggies, and they were fed grass and water and never had fuel-injection issues. Gasoline is a flawed form of energy that simply wasn’t meant to be transporting us around. Just look at the archaeological data. You won’t see engine corrosion or even worn out tires until gasoline was put into use. Eskimos never had any clogged valves or corrosion ? that’s because they never gave gasoline to their sled dogs.

Customer: Yeah, but look at Asian cars. Asian cars can be fed gasoline all day long without the same problems that American cars have. What about that?!

LCM: Easy to explain. Asians use Omega 3 engine oil and mix in green tea, but nevermind that. Listen Mac, it’s simple. Gasoline raises engine gasoline levels. Higher gasoline levels means higher rates of degenerative auto disease. Got it?

Vegan Mechanic (VM)

Customer: My car won’t move an inch. I’ve driven it for thousands of miles and now it won’t go anywhere.

VM: Looks like you are out of gas my beautiful child, but don’t worry. You don’t want to have gas in your car.

Customer: Why the hell not? Doesn’t my car need gas to run? Haven’t cars always needed gasoline to run since they were invented?

VM: (Closes eyes, smiles, takes a deep, soothing breath). Yes, this was the old paradigm, but we are now entering a realm of higher spiritual consciousness. Gasoline is actually what contains all the harmful elements that lead to your car’s destruction. A study done in China showed that the more gasoline used, the more car trouble. But that’s not all. Every time you buy gasoline you take a precious life from the Earth Mother. By abstaining from the consumption of gasoline, you can literally save the environment, all of its magnificent creatures, and your car at the same time. All the while your spiritual energy increases and your chances of achieving enlightenment become attainable.

Customer: Wow, I had no idea! Gasoline is so atrocious! I can’t even look at it now without being disgusted. The very thought of it makes me want to gag! I can’t believe the world has let the criminal and barbaric act of feeding gasoline to cars go on for so long! But how will I get my car to run without it?

VM: Worry not my little flower, all you have to do is focus all your Chi into the third Chakra, put a couple of supplements into the tank, and pour in a combination of soy, sprouts, raw kale, cacao, goji berries, acai, some superfood powder concentrate, and fruit into the tank. Go heavy on the soy. It is amazing for your car and like so nourishing for our home ? planet earth.

Okay, that’s enough.

A key thing to think about, is that nutritionists, dieticians, various dietary and lifestyle evangelists, holistic and mainstream medical practitioners and more all tend to identify a problem or weakness and cater to it. They are all too eager to blame a particular type of fuel (overall calories, fat, protein, carbohydrates, animal products, cooked food, fiber, salt) instead of figuring out how to fix the factors that make sure the fuel is used properly. The world in general is in a diagnosis mindset that views heredity as the limit/prison. 180 has an improvement mindset, and a fixing the root problem mindset ? and heredity is extremely mutable and malleable. In other words, identifying a metabolic flaw or weakness and avoiding putting stress on it is helpful, and gets some results, but it’s never as good as repairing the weakness and metabolic flaw.

If nutritionists were mechanics, regardless of their bias ? from carnivore to vegan, cars would never get fixed. If the car won’t go forward, the nutritionist would recommend driving exclusively in reverse. If the brakes didn’t work, most nutritionists would recommend using the parking brake to stop the car. If the clutch was out, the diagnosis would be: Shifting Insufficiency ? recommendation is to drive in 1st gear.

Read Part II