By Julia Gumm?
It’s hard to know just what to do
When seeking perfect health.
Should you buy Mercola’s tanning bed?
Do you have that kind of wealth?
Should you guzzle fresh pressed green juice?
Till you pass a kidney stone?
Must you detox your filthy liver?
Swear off cakes and pies and scones?
Maybe the key is Atkins
(If you’ve enough thyroid to spare.)
Or actually, how ?bout South Beach?
It’s a tad bit easier to bear.
?
Should you train to run a marathon?
Will you swear off meat and dairy?
Will you go to bed self-satisfied
E?en though your poops are looking scary?
?None for me, I’ve got my smoothie!
You’ll cry out during holiday feasts
As your so-called ?loved ones? tempt you
With grandma’s baked macaroni and cheese.
Your tastebuds will mislead you
Why can’t kale juice taste like filet?
Filet in a deep, rich bordelaise sauce?
(I feel like I haven’t eaten in days.)
But you’ll know your regimen is working
When you begin to feel like crap.
That’s ‘the body’s natural reaction
To becoming fit and fab!
Your friends think you’re overdoing it,
Don’t they know there’s no such thing?
The body must be whipped into shape!
And bikini ready come spring!
Though,
Perhaps it’s possible to take it too far.
Like my hands? They feel like ice.
And when grandma offered me her macaroni?
Let’s just say I wasn’t very nice.
Maybe I could sleep in on Saturday
Instead of hitting the gym.
Just this once, relax a little
Think ?bout something other than being thin.
It’s great to be health conscious
We should all strive to live our best lives.
Just make sure to leave room for dessert
‘Cause really- what’s life without apple pie?
Thank you, Julia! Right on the money!
Very cute, Julia!
I will always make room for pie! You know why? (yes, I’m a poet, too!) Because I was just going through bills from previous years and doing some cleaning in the office. We live in an area that I must purchase propane for our house heater. In past years, we have had to fill up the tank 2 or 3 times a winter because I was always so damn cold. I would have the heat on, a t-shirt, a sweater and a light jacket and still be freezing. But this past winter while I followed “eat for heat”? We filled it up once. As soon as I brought my temperature up and got my hands and toes warm, I found I wasn’t at the thermostat as often turning up the heat. I was making my own!
So, I not only saved myself 600-800 in propare refills, but my body is healing too!! So frickin’ awesome! I may go celebrate with a brownie….but only because I don’t have any pie!
A poem that mentions poops…bravo!
Nicely done. Love a ditty about my favourite neurosis.
Man I’m so screwed up….The first part describes me perfectly. Being afraid of cooked foods because I think they will make me fat, cant eat enough fruit to keep me full, I cant eat dairy because it gives me acne, no salt because it also gives me acne and my skin is never as soft when I eat it. Refined foods like white rice and flour products make me constipated. I eat fruits and a raw carrot a day. If I could go back to when I was 16 when I started researching diet and health I would kick the crap out of my younger self and say that your about to make the worse mistake in your life, lol except my 16 year old self was much bigger and stronger than my 22 year old self so more than likely the younger version would kick my ass…
I don’t understand how the human body can be expected to survive only on uncooked, unrefined foods. Considering how far the use of fire dates back, how short and meager our digestive tracts are, and how many traditional cultures ground, mashed, or otherwise refined their foods, eating an uncooked and/or unrefined diet seems ludicrous.
I like to think that our brains/intelligence and hands/dexterity should be considered part of our digestive system.
You are still very young at 22. You can turn things around more easily than some people here who are middle aged. Your metabolism and health is not as damaged as it will be in ten years if you keep eating only fruit or vegan. Even if you gain some weight, you will lose it easily once your health improves and with some weight training. But if you don’t get over your fear of cooked food you are in trouble. Start making changes now while you still have youth on your side. I love fruit but I don’t think a pure fruit diet is healthy in the long term.
Great work, Julia! I love your creativity.
So refreshing. Thank you. Matt–you’re a Godsent. All I have to say.
Encore!!!! Encore!!!!!!!!!