It’s time to do a quick summary on what I’ve been thinking lately as it pertains to diet. Remember, this is just the eating component we’re talking about here, not the literally hundreds of other factors that go into achieving and maintaining good health. So don’t get overly wrapped up in it, or in eating in general. If anything, I look at eating as a tool to help combat the other stressors in life ? a tool that can be used as an anti-stress, anti-inflammatory medication for the many other assaults placed upon us with modern life and mediocre heredity.
For the moment, it seems most appropriate that our individual diets are influenced by three main factors ? the ?3 In’s?:
1) Intuition
2) Information
3) Investigation
Today we’ll discuss the first ? Intuition.
My intuition tells me that the Krispy Kreme doughnut, fast food French fries, Doritos, and chocolate milk are the best foods on earth. Okay okay, just making the most important point of this post ? that each of these three categories, without the other, is limited and incomplete. Eating whatever you want or crave (loosely referred to as intuitive eating) is a tactic that works in some instances but can backfire in others.
Through many studies done on animal behavior, it has been found that when presented with supranormal stimuli ? things that are bigger and better than is possible in nature, the supranormal stimuli beat nature every time. Birds will abandon their own small little eggs if you put an ostrich egg out there for them to sit on.
?Animals, humans included, seem to have a built-in preference for features larger than those that occur naturally. Ethologists, scientists who study animal behavior, have tried to understand the attraction of the ‘super-normal stimuli. Consider the oystercatcher, a shorebird with black-and-white plumage, a red bill, and brightly colored legs. Back in the 1950’s, Dutch ethologist Nikolaas Tinbergen conducted now-classic studies of the bird’s incubation behavior and discovered something astonishing: When presented with a choice between brooding its own small egg and the giant egg of a much larger bird, the oystercatcher invariably chose to sit on the giant one.
-David Kessler; The End of Overeating
Men, even those like myself who truly prefer small-breasted women, still find it nearly impossible to keep our eyes off of a ‘tig-bittied,? surgically-enhanced bubble chest when she walks into the room. It’s as if there is something about them that has a higher power over a more primal region of our brains, and we stare at them like a Podling or?Gelfling looking into the Dark Crystal.
And hyperpalatable, pornographic modern foods that are processed, extremely calorie dense, concentrated, scientifically-manipulated, cooked to perfection, laced with flavor enhancers, and served in a shiny package or in a fun and exciting restaurant beats out plain old natural food eaten in silence at your kitchen table in much the same way.
Plus, our eating preferences are largely formed by habit, conditioning, and various external stimuli too ? not necessarily innate bodily needs. Man ‘stimuli? is a great word. Someone should get a tally going of how many times I use it in this one.
In other words, we come to like and prefer what we’ve grown accustomed to eating. Grow up eating junk food and you’ll intuitively prefer junk food over other things. Or even just look at orange juice. Raise any kid on earth on Minute Maid then give them a glass of freshly-squeezed orange juice that tastes ten times better. Every single kid will prefer the Minute Maid until they’ve had enough fresh juice to get used to the taste of fresh.
I too can attest to this as the more I eat something the more I grow to like it. When eating mostly oatmeal I came to really love oatmeal, and thought I’d never eat anything else for breakfast ever again. When eating a zero carb diet I thought slow-roasted ribeye was the best food on earth and felt like I could eat it every day for the rest of my life. In Nepal I really started to love the national dish ? rice and lentils, meanwhile, my girlfriend at the time was in Costa Rica eating rice and beans every day and raving about how much she had grown to love it. And now, eating more than half of my calories as fruit, I’m convinced this time that fruit is the tastiest thing ever.
So what we think of as intuitive eating is very limited and highly malleable. But at the same time, our bodies have intelligence that comes out in subtle ways every single day that we don’t even take notice of.
Take for example getting thirsty after eating salty food. If you really think about how complex intra and extracellular water and electrolyte balance is ? a complex process moderated by everything from our thyroid gland to our kidneys, you realize right away that this intuitive urge to dilute concentrated salt with water only minutes after ingestion is absolutely astounding. It’s a strong indication of just how fine-tuned our bodies are, and how masterful they are about controlling our involuntary urge to drink. This intelligence goes way beyond what we can do with information alone, which is always subject to human cognition error (throughout history, human cognition has been wrong about almost everything).
So, take intuition into account when you decide what to eat. The body knows when it needs carbohydrates for example ? like after hard exercise or during stressful events. This often surfaces as a sudden craving or urge that is stronger than one of those desires to stimulate your bored self with the excitement of a Slim Jim.
Intuitive eating also eliminates the dead ends and dangers of overly restricted eating, as you’ll most likely crave carbohydrates if you’ve been eating too much meat or crave meat if you’ve been eating nothing but fruit and potatoes.
This is but one wing of healthy eating, but one that needs to be taken into account. Don’t take your body’s urges and needs out of the equation. It’s smart enough to keep you from starving to death or dying of dehydration, and it has needs that vary from hour to hour and from day to day that are never constant.
So a little flexibility is great to have, but is a fine line when our pleasure centers and preferences have been so tainted by supranormal stimuli (boom, said it again), the toys in our Happy Meals, the foods we were forced to eat to be able to eat ice cream when we were ?good,? and other powerful psychosocial influences surrounding us in advertising and otherwise. In fact, our brains have a powerful mimicry program built into our hard drive, and even being around unhealthy people with unhealthy habits can have a really strong influence over our physiology. There are entire fields of study like ‘social endocrinology? and ?psychoneuroimmunology? set up to study these and other very complex mental and social interactions that have a bearing on our health, habits, food preferences, and beyond.
But damn. If you are hungry, eat. If you are thirsty, drink. If you want something sweet, eat it. If you want some meat or fat, have some (and I’ll add non-eating intuition too? If you are sleepy, sleep. If you are tired, rest, and if you are stiff and restless, exercise). These are the most basic and important forms of intuitive eating. They’ve kept humans and all animals alive for millennia and have more than earned the right to influence our diets.
How to RAISE YOUR METABOLISM.
Responding to our bodies cues is probably the most stress reducing thing we can do for ourselves outside of eating whole foods.
40% whole foods
30% listening to your body
20% psychology
10% fukitol
—
100% chance for success, at least in my experience.
-Anonymous
Looking forward to the rest of this series: I like the idea of interdependent "in's," none of which are infallible alone.
Agree that it's easy to learn to like something if you're on a particular diet kick–for me, though, things like meat, that I tried out briefly, I only very tenuously and briefly 'learned to like,' and before long went back to not being able to stand them (physiologically).
I do notice that when I'm under the influence of a particular dietary idea (e.g. atm I'm keeping my fat way low), I'm more likely to get times where I'm too hungry and have _no idea_ what to ieat at all, and everything smells attractive but nothing seems good or edible. That's dangerous ground for me–a short step from there back into anorexia mindset. Any suggestions on how to reconnect with 'intuition' in that state?
Sheila,
So far so good, I am doing one large fruit/juice meal later in the afternoons to increase sucrose intake. It does increase acne. Here are my thoughts on that. These are just thoughts, based on my own research on me. Skip if you don't want to read about acne theories…
Acne seems to be related to insulin resistance (high insulin and increased androgen levels, and increased sebum production) and inflammation (stored PUFA's, stress, etc). I can make my acne flare with a low-fat diet and flare when increasing fruit intake, but make it subside when doing low carb, high fat. So how is that related?
Eating low fat (meaning extremely low PUFA, and using SAT fat only, sparilingly), high unrefined starch, with lean protein, allows the body to release stored PUFA. Released through calorie deficit, fasting or exercise. So this would be low grade inflammation, having stored PUFA's in bloodstream, and could increase insulin resistance. This definitely causes acne for me. I grew up with Mazola in everthing!
Increasing fruit, means increasing fructose, which can mean more trigylcerides in the blood, along with stored PUFA's (if released). More fat in the blood, means insulin resistance will likley be higher. This will cause acne for me, but not for someone with a good metabolism, low insulin levels and nominal blood glucose clearance. My last blood test from about a year ago, showed slightly evelated fasting insulin.
So what does all this mean… Seems like to cure acne and reduce sebum production, you need to remove excess stored PUFA's in your body (eat very low fat, ie minimal butter/ghee/coconut oil), get glucose clearance and insulin levels under control (eat lots of unrefined starch without fat, with increasing fruit load without fat), get sunshine, get some exercise, get your sleep…
Why does low carb reduce acne; lowered insulin, lowered fructose and insulin spikes, less stored PUFA's released due to high fat intake.
Why does milk cause acne grief? It spikes insulin very very well, and contains lots of fat to cause insulin resistance in the person with lowered metbolic rate.
Peat also has said that sucrose will increase the metabolic rate, which will cause thyroid and vitamin A levels to compete. This may be a factor as well. Accutane is vitamin A derivative, and works at decreasing the size of the sebaceuos glands, and most likely inhibiting the thyroid, so lowered metabolism; think low carb. Genetics, probably a factor as well.
NO lol!!! fruit does NOT cause acne, its the exact opposite, show me one raw vegan / fruit Nazi that doesn’t have beautiful skill with ought ANY single trace of acne, I periodically do 3 days of nothing but fruit to clear my skin up, and high fat intake ABSOLUTELY causes acne, dairy and large consumption of fish oils and the horrific vegetable oils will put zits on your skin, don’t get me wrong saturated fat from coconuts ( plants ) and some from meats is good to go for health but eating a lot of fat and dairy especially will give you zits, plants like vegetables and fresh fruits will clear your skin up. just look at 90% of people who consume lots of dairy via milk / cheese / ice cream etc… zit heaven
Anonymous-
I was going to bring this up actually, but totally passed out while reading Sapolsky this morning and forgot to squeeze it into the post…
And that is the concept that what will relieve stress and lower stress hormones is eating precisely what you are craving to the point of thorough satisfaction. Sometimes lack of salt is causing stress hormone secretion, sometimes lack of sugar is causing stress hormone secretion, etc.
Only by eating what your body is in need of can you actually get a stress lowering effect. And this changes from hour to hour, and from day to day, and certainly undergoes massive changes during the menstrual cycle and during pregnancy for women.
All the more reason to stay in touch and answer the calls of the body – hopefully with nutritious versions of the things we are called to eat.
Ela-
There are times to override intuition. For example, if I were to eat intuitively in the strict sense of the word, I probably wouldn't eat breakfast because I don't have a very strong hunger cue first thing in the morning. I mean, it's there, but it's just not overwhelmingly strong. But eating breakfast gives me huge health advantages in terms of how good I feel, not getting sleepy during the day, not craving junk food by noon when I finally do get really hungry, etc.
So sometimes I guess you gotta override things and eat anyway, especially in that kind of circumstance when you have an eating disorder history. In your case, palatable food is a must, and you've suffered from a lack of eating food that you really wanted for way, way too long. Others of course suffer from the opposite problem, eating only candy and pastries and soft drinks and french fries and pizza every time they feel hungry – with more unadulterated foods never sounding very appetizing.
Matt wrote:
"I haven't read anything about Nature Deficit Disorder but I certainly know when I'm suffering symptoms of it. Like right now, at 1:31 pm and I haven't been outside today haha."
Gasp!! lol. I have NDD. So I have to be sure to take my NDD meds — mega doses of sunshine and fresh air — everyday :-)
I work from home, for the most part, and my "home office" is outside on my front porch or back deck (or the outdoor patio of my regular net-hotspots). It's even a bit rainy here today, but I would still rather be outside (even playing in the rain lol) than be inside!
Oops. I just noticed that I posted that comment to the wrong blogpost lol!
Re: grow to like it
I do the same thing. I have been on the fruit train for a few months now and I can see the end is near. At the beginning I was swallowing bananas whole for breakfast. Now I find myself wanting some of old tyme favorites like corn grits or oatmeal.
I still can't quit basing most of my meals around rice and potatoes though. I think mostly just because it's so easy to throw some rice, broth and butter into my "Jimmy Moore torture device" (rice cooker) or some potatoes in the oven.
Re: intuitive eating
I've found some Food for Life bread from the local health food store and have been throwin' down on some PB&J sandwiches here lately. Nice.
Nothing says intuitive eating like lifting weights on a low carb diet!
Mmm mm…white rice I have never craved you so strongly…
Also, nuts taste like shit. I don't know why anyone eats those.
Instead of trying to find the perfect way of eating, I have gone back to eating what I love:
Fruit
Veggies
Oats
Rice
Potatoes
I feel great, sleep great, have energy to burn.
Kind of a random question, though:
I always seem to want something acidic. For example, squeezing fresh lemon or lime on most of my food. I LOVE tomatoes, and citrus fruits. Any ideas on what that need/craving might represent?
Undertow –
Good theories about acne. I certainly experience it eating the following: Chocolate, Pasteurized Dairy (though hard cheese is ok – lactose not present), and now, high fruit consumption.
~Anna
Matt–thanks, that sounds so kind and 'working with.' Funny that I was just eating a snack of plain boiled potato, speaking of non-palatable (although even that tastes good if you put your mind to it).
Undertow–interesting thoughts about fruit and acne and I appreciate what you're saying about more triglycerides in the bloodstream. The rest of it doesn't 'feel' right to me (although this might just be because I love fruit and want it to work). I'm not noticing any sign of insulin resistance: in fact, my blood sugar is infinitely more stable than when I was indulging carbophobia. I'm actually allergic to dairy (as well as hating it), and if I recall, the kind of breakout I'd get from dairy is different than this from fruit.
It's so good to have some scientifically intelligible explanation of why fruit and fat (esp PUFA) don't go great together.
Matt,
I was the exact same way with oat groats. After I saw your video where you had oat groats with molasses, bananas, and sour cream, i had some form of that for breakfast every day for about two weeks. It got to the point where I was almost depressed when I ran out of oats for a couple days and had to eat eggs and potatoes for breakfast.
Undertow,
your theory on acne is very interesting. I thought the same thing when i first started reading Ray Peat's stuff. It seems to make sense that if PUFA accumulates in your tissues and is released during fasting and exercise, that it would be better in the long run to get release these PUFAs which may cause short term insulin resistance, but would actually increase your tissues' sensitivity to insulin in the long run because they have less PUFA concentration.
April wrote:
"I always seem to want something acidic. For example, squeezing fresh lemon or lime on most of my food. I LOVE tomatoes, and citrus fruits. Any ideas on what that need/craving might represent?"
April,
According to Dr. Carey Reams with his Biological Theory of Ionization (commonly referred to as RBTI), lemon is good for you — even essential to healthy liver function, he believed.
—
"Testing hundreds of Foods, reveal that most Foods are Cationic…. FRESH Lemons and Liver Bile are Anionic…. Dr. Reams advocated drinking plenty of lemon water… FRESH Lemon Juice is especially beneficial to the Liver…. Liver Bile in it's purest state is diluted Hydrochloric Acid… FRESH Lemon Juice is Nature's diluted Hydrochloric Acid… The Liver can convert the components of fresh lemon into an amazing amount of different enzymes and vitamins. It's vital to have a healthy Llver, as it's commonly known that MANY Diseases begin when the liver is not functioning properly."
—
There are a lot of websites "for profit" on the net about RBTI these days. So, in case you decide to look further into RBTI, as with any "theory" regarding health and nutrition, be careful and do your research. There is a lot of FREE info on RBTI online too. But "free" doesn't necessarily mean it's accurate.
Unfortunately, we can't go directly to the authentic original source, Dr. Reams himself, for guidance, as he died in the 80s. I guess the closest a person can get is to do what Matt's going to do. Or just wait for Matt to report back. :-) If you're a regular follower here, you may already know about Matt's plans to study with a long time practitioner of RBTI — who studied directly under Dr. Reams for about 10 years. And he plans to write about it. So stay tuned :-)
I agree. small breasts ftw
another one bites the dust :
http://www.cutthecarb.com/goodbye-cutthecarb/
AS – that's really interesting. It seems my body is craving what it needs, and what's good for it. I will have to look into that. I will be interested to hear what Matt has to say and what he learns about RBTI in the coming months.
"It’s as if there is something about them that has a higher power over a more primal region of our brains, and we stare at them like a Podling or Gelfling looking into the Dark Crystal."
This is the primary reason I read this blog. The health stuff is secondary.
Anna, ya chocolate would fit in the theory, good chocolate is high in sucrose and sat fat, crappy chocolate high in vegetable oils.
CM, this is what I am trying now, see if speeding up displacing accumlated tissue PUFA helps. Acne is definitely way worse, while trying this approach…
Ela, my blood sugar clearance and feeling on sucrose is also better then compared to starch. When I tracked post BG levels on sucrose meals I was surprised. But when on starch only, acne subsides, on fruit it flares. I know Peat says fructose inhibits insulin, I wonder if for some this is not the case and insulin spikes and fasting insulin stay higher (stores PUFA's, etc…)
Well, I'm glad to hear men like the less-endowed women! I'm definitely in that category.
I think the key to intuitive eating is to be somewhat "enlightened" about it. It has to be real food, and it also involves listening to body cues, like even if you don't always want breakfast, you eat it because it makes you feel better all day.
I never got into the fruit thing because it didn't feel right to me, intuitively. I like a really balanced diet, and not too much meat (but enough). I always go back to that.
On acne, I've been using potato juice topically at night (leave on all night) and lemon juice topically in the morning (for 20 min), and drinking lemon water in the morning (which feels great – love lemons, too). I think it really helps the skin and has helped clear up some acne issues that began after I went off the pill recently. You might want to try it, Undertow, while you're clearing out the PUFAs. I just found these on home remedy websites, but they seem to work.
Oh, and I would NEVER choose a packaged thing like a twinkie over real food. But maybe that's just me or because I'm used to real food.
Thanks for the post Matt. Your videos add a little somethin somethin for me.
Amy–thanks for those skin suggestions. I just got some lemons yesterday, had a hankering for them. Potatoes sounds like an interesting idea too.
Another one that I'm doing for skin clearance just these past few days is aloe vera juice. I'm right at that time of the month now, so I won't get an objective reading for a few days, but we'll see.
Yeah, the potatoes are good for lightening red marks left behind, too. You just grate a little potato (maybe a quarter of a smallish potato), squeeze that to get the juice and apply to the face. Or, you can slice a potato thinly and rub on the face.
I'm really into natural skincare. If I ever win the lottery, I'll set up a spa or something.
One of my mother's old home remedies was to rub a cut raw potato on our cheeks when we were little. The reason for this we were told was to give us rosy cheeks. Well, it worked. I'm still not happy about my rosy cheeks.
I actually use coconut oil on my face now and I think it has reduced any fine lines I might have. I do look much younger than my age so maybe the potato juice helped all those years ago! ;)
Oh, one more home remedy from my mother. If you have warts, rub a potato on it and it will get rid of it over time.
Has anyone here showed any symptoms of scurvy or vitamin c deficiency? I have been researching this lately and it is very interesting. I have heard that a high carb diet can induce vitamin c deficiencies more rapidly. I have also heard that the dangers increase on low carb diets too.
Matt has mentioned bleeding gums which is a strong symptom. I have also heard many stories of people on high carb diets with loose tooth and gum problems which s a symptoms.
Matt, when are your gums best, high or low carb?
In the past i believed that whole foods is all that we need, but now I am thinking that the foods are too depleted, especially of C, so supplementation is necessary.
There are of course a bunch of people who argue that the amount of vitamin C necessary for optimal health is far greater than the RDI, since humans and other primates are basically the only animals who have lost the ability to synthesize vitamin C, yet primates still get 40-50 times more than us per kilo bodyweight from their "jungle diet", and most animals who can synthesize their own vitamin C produce even more than that daily.
Then again, I tried megadosing it (7-10g) for a couple of weeks a while ago and didn't notice any particular benefits. The grain-based human diet has been relatively deficient in vitamin C for most of civilization, so we've probably adapted quite well to a lower intake.
Collden,
Have you tried dosing to bowel tolerance like the pro vitamin c people promote?
Guinea pigs are the only other mammals besides primates that don't make their own. Pauling thought that our inability to produce our own C was due to a genetic defect millions of years ago in a common ancestor.
Even if humans have the ability to survive on a low nutrient grain based diet, it doesn't mean that it is optimal. I am over the whole natural is better dogma that I held to for so long. I am willing to benefit from technology and take medicines and vitamins to have optimal health.
These are great thoughts on intuition. My question would be, what role does intuition play in weight loss? For weight maintenence and general health I can see it- but what if you want to make a change in your body composition??
In my particular case (as I'm sure some of you know since I whine about it in the comments occasionally) it was while eating intuitively (same as I had been doing for a decade) that I gained weight due to hormones/ birth control. So is going back to intuitive eating going to help me, or do I need something else for weight loss, followed by eating intuitively for maintenance?
And who was it on here who talked about intermittent feasting? Basically cutting calories for short periods, having a day to feast and get the body temps back up? I'm thinking that might be a good thing for me to try and would love to hear the specifics.
Matt do you drink cane sugar soda? if so, how often?
Calvin-
No.
Chanelle-
Intuitive eating can make you gain or lose weight. I wouldn't rule it out or seek other options until you had exhausted that one. I'm still very wary of these tricks and ways of forcing weight off, even in those that swear that you can "cheat" your way down in weight and create a new weight set point with a couple days of re-feeding. Sounds too good to be true. I would try it if I had that kind of discipline, and maybe I still will with whole foods only – as doing it with junk food binges I find to take more willpower than I possess.
JT-
My gums are fine again. It was just a weird phase I went through when I was eating more fat and meat and refined sugar. The last 3 weeks I've eaten much more whole fruit and a lot less juice, meat, and fat. Problem gone. My teeth are DEFINITELY much better on a high carb diet.
I did, when reading Stefansson, come to a tentative conclusion that vitamin C requirements paralleled carbohydrate intake. But I don't recall having any gum problems eating a high starch, low-sugar diet which had only a tiny fraction of the vitamin C that my current diet has. I get well over 1,000% of the RDA of vitamin C.
Blake-
Thanks. I get great pleasure from working stuff like that into the blog.
Amy-
I tend to not only like ladies with little boobies, but really short women too. It doesn't matter what a woman looks like, there is someone out there that will find them attractive, especially after they've had some time to let that oxytocin and vasopressin mingle long enough to develop a stronger connection and attraction. Those hormones can beat beer goggles out any day of the week.
Undertow-
What's really fascinating is that fruit and starch are so damn different, with radically different effects. On paper you would think potatoes and oranges would be so similar. Not so much.
AS-
Thanks for the Reams run-down. Lots of people are doing all kinds of things and calling it RBTI. A woman I know is working with some lady who claims to have been using it for 30 years, yet she is eating tons of food that Reams himself and Challen would never allow (like raw eggs and lots of dairy fat).
I don't really care what everyone else is doing though. I care what Challen is doing, and what got my interest perked was that he could look at someone's test numbers and tell if they had been following the program or not. That, in and of itself, is interesting. But the fact that he could consistently tell people what they ate off the program and when they ate it is even more impressive. Imagine being able to look at a few test results and be able to tell that someone ate chocolate 5 days ago, or ate a lot of food late in the evening. He can bust people consistently when they deviate. To me, this is powerful knowledge that goes far beyond what your average nutrition geek is capable of. I'm psyched, and am willing to cast all the cultish red flags aside to see if this guy really is as badass as people say he is.
@ Matt:
I glad to hear you like them aux naturalle and to quote Creed from The Office: "Swing Low, Sweet Chariots" Ok so can you point me to an article or expand on the concept that you don't crave the junk sugar when you eat high fruit sugar? I have been interested in this concept- especially since I've been eating salt water taffy most of the day while gardening- yikes!
Thanks,
Deedle
Matt, what causes oxytocin and vasopressin? Is that from flirtation? Or just sensing someone if attractive?
JT, I agree with you on the supplementation thing because our soils are so depleted. But foods are more depleted from a mineral standpoint, rather than vitamin. I do supplement with some C, but from what I understand going too high is harmful, too, and can even cause scurvy symptoms if you then go back to normal levels after megadosing. Can't remember where I read that.
I've seen positive effects from supplementing in general, though, so I continue to do it.
Amy, I've read that about scurvy from coming off of Vit C megadose too. At one point, I was taking 20g or more per day, when everything was screwed up and I was chelating mercury and lead and miserably constipated. Happy to be over that! At the moment, I take 5g per day but since I've switched to mostly fruit rather than starch, I could probably reduce that.
I used to be convinced about the 'no supplements' thing too, but nowadays I'm grateful for them indeed.
Matt, how can Challen determine those things? By testing blood? Temperature? Pulse? And what counts as 'on program' and why is it important to adhere to?
Thanks.
Wow, Ela, that sounds like a rough time! I take around 1,000mg/day of C and seem ok with it. I tried upping it once and got really nauseus so I'm sticking with the lower level.
I agree, I am grateful for supplements, too. Mg and B vitamins have been amazing in reducing my anxiety.
undertow,
if it is making your acne worse, it may still be doing more damage that you do not know about. I have had eczema my whole life and had it pretty severe to where I had to drop out of school for a little while after going nearly frutitarian. It wasnt until i did the milk diet that my health really turned around. I only did it for ten days and it worked wonders for me. If you are desperate enough to try it, I would give it a shot.
UNDERTOW-
Very interesting reading! I definitely believe that insulin play a big part -I've been having those thoughts myself. The release of PUFA's also explains why I initially gained belly fat (insulin resistance) on high sugar. And why my period now have become irregular again AND I get all the pre-menstrual bloating. Something is definitely happening! I could easily slip back into treating my symptoms (low carb) but that wouldn't fix my impaired sugar-metabolism.
I might use your wording in my next blog post, if you don't mind? That was pure awesomeness!
I think it makes a lot of sense, and it's funny how many of us trying to pursue a healthy diet has come on a huge roundabout, from being enlightened about the problems with this/that, to realising that it's time to stop cutting out any food group and demonise the carbs or the fats and just eat and ENJOY it. I went to Rome last week and saw the way the italians eat, and just thought of this
http://mummyicancook.blogspot.com/2011/06/when-in-rome-eat-as-romans-eat.html
It confuses me though, sometimes. how do you differentiate between a craving and an intuition??
also, you seem to be really high-carb but all in the form of fruit, but what about carbs in the form of grains? isn't that the way most 'normal' (no offense really!!) people will fill their meals? so aren't you (and so many of us,including me)choosing agains our natural instincts and diet?
ChanElle, FWIW I did the Fast 5 intermittent fasting program (though mine was more like Fast 6) for about a month.
What I liked: it removed a lot of "food drama" for me, since food was off the table for so many hours of the day.
Didn't like: I was cold to my bones all the time. I likely messed up my thyroid more.
Lost some weight, didn't maintain.
Just my experience on IM.
Blake wrote:
"This is the primary reason I read this blog. The health stuff is secondary."
Same here. The topic brought me here. But it's the talent and open-mindedness that keeps me coming back. I've even turned peeps onto this blog and I never do that–cause I (usually) never stay interested in these kinds of websites/blogs long enough to recommend them. The commenters and great commentary also make this blog great.
Matt wrote:
"Blake- Thanks. I get great pleasure from working stuff like that into the blog."
Love that. :-)
Keep following your bliss… we'll keep following along.
April wrote:
"AS – that's really interesting. It seems my body is craving what it needs, and what's good for it. I will have to look into that. I will be interested to hear what Matt has to say and what he learns about RBTI in the coming months."
BTW, how long have you been craving lemon? For as long as you can remember or just more recently? And how is your general health?
I don't dislike lemon but I haven't ever really craved lemon or had the urge to squeeze it in my water or on my food. But I'm in really good health and have been for most of my life.
Hmm? Makes me wonder: If a person craves lemon, does it mean that their liver isn't in optimal health and perhaps the body is trying to compensate with lemon? And if a person doesn't crave lemon, does it mean perhaps the liver is functioning well on its own?
Although, I do believe that the body "craves its needs" based on memory of foods a person eats. And therefore, it craves the foods in your food-memory-bank that contain what it needs at any given time. So since I've never really been a lemon person, perhaps that's the reason I don't crave lemon?
So yeah, I'm looking forward to Matt's feedback on it too. Will be interesting.
Regarding itty bitty boobies- Almost every guy I've met (in dating and otherwise) said the same thing–that is if the subject came up–and it usually did cause there's a story there (that I won't share here lol).
But for the guys- know that the "women prefer well-endowed men" thing is over-hyped too. It's somewhat different for each woman, but size doesn't matter when a guy knows what to do–and he will with good communication and a desire to please her–which most men love! If not, he's the wrong guy for you, ladies lol! Big can be too big, at least for me anyway.
I know you don't generally recommend specific plans; but within the body of self care, re-feeds, intuition etc; what plans are least damaging for weight loss? The RRARF plan lets me maintain, but I need to lose 20 lbs minimum and 30 lbs really.
I want to do it in as healthy a way as possible and am not going back to low carb. Would carb cycling be okay though?
What do you think about South Beach? The first and second phase are moderate carb, but the maintenance section is basically how I eat now.
Any specific plans you can recommend?
CM, I did the milk diet for two weeks last summer, it made my acne the worst its been in a long time. Dairy usually makes acne way worse for most (insulin spikes, fat to exerbate insulin resistance, blocks stored PUFA's and doses of growth hormones). I am hoping this is the storm before the calm, that some have reported by lowering fat intake and gradually uping unrefined sucrose.
Shelia, my words are yours! It was some of your blog posts that got me to try and piece this acne puzzle together with my past experiences shifting around macronutrients. Shifting nutrients will either make acne flare or go in semi-remission. I think for some displacing stored PUFA, and then trying to reclaim insulin sensitivity would be key. This means mega low-fat, and lots of whole food starch and then lots of unrefined sucrose when your body can handle it.
I agree with JT and the others that even natural whole foods are depleted, modified, and denatured nowadays – in industrialized societies. I have nothing against benefiting from technology nor supplementing in non-harmful ways as needed. But I much prefer and benefit more from the real thing. For those with a sense of humor- there's an innuendo in there if you can read between the lines :-)
But I personally don't take things like Vit C on a daily basis. I believe it throws off your natural immune system. Plus only a person's body really knows how much Vit C (etc.) it needs and mine let's me know when it's deficient. I only intervene when my immune system seems to need a boost. This rarely happens, but when my body gives me subtle signs (slight sore throat, a little sniffley, minor congestion, etc.), right away I start to take natural Zinc (great for the immune system) every 12 hours. I also take Vit C with it cause it helps the body absorb the Zinc. And then all signs are gone within 24-36 hours. I never get a full blown cold, flu, etc., since discovering that. But I did used to get colds years ago, before I started on my own health research journey.
Everyone I've shared that with (who uses that strategy) has the same results. It works every time as long as the "Z-and-C" (as I call it) is started right away and taken every 12 hours for about 48 hours. It's been so long that I can't even remember the last time was sick.
P.S. IMO, it's somewhat of a misconception that Vit C is the main player for strong immune system. It is in that it facilitates good absorption of vitamins and minerals. But Zinc facilitates the immune system's ability to fight off what ails you.
lynn,
the healthiest way to lose weight, in my experience, is just eat what your body wants, when it wants it, however much it wants. over time it seems the body lowers it's fat stores. you really shouldn't aim to lose weight, especially not a set amount of weight. i've personally gained roughly 35lbs in the past year; most of it being muscle.
I've personally never seen permanent weight loss when I go super low fat. It seems to always return as soon as I start eating as much fat as I crave. Plus, I just generally feel better when I'm eating a liberal amount of fat with every meal.
Also, large natural breasts are my favorite. It's only been with my refeeding and the subsequent return of my sex drive do I now find "normal" women as attractive. To be honest, I've been noticing butts a lot more haha.
-Anonymous
JT-
do you still think grains are better than roots/tubers?. good quality fresh potatoes have a lot of vitamin c, b vitamins, minerals and seemingly everything the body needs to use the potatoes. i doubt the white rice i get here has anywhere near the nutrients of a potato, especially a local fresh one.
Just an observation; I feel much better getting my sugar from whole fruit VS just the juice.
Now, I really don't consume any fiber. Like, at all. I'm a poor college student trying to streth his dollar, so it's been ground beef and white rice with a half gallon or so of OJ a day here for the past few months. I've been trying to figure out if it's the fiber or something else, unfortunately I don't really have the cash to experiment.
Has anyone who eats lots of fiber notice feeling better when eating fruit VS just the juice?
-Anonymous
Hmm, well if I ate what I *wanted* to eat my diet would probably consist of homemade Tollhouse cookies warm from the oven, hot fudge sundaes, THICK oatmeal with tons of butter and heavy cream and brown sugar, heavy and dense NY-style cheesecake, cherry pie with whipped cream, Lindt truffles, Boston creme Dunkin Donuts…and the occasional pound of bacon when I needed a brief change from "sweet". LOL. It would *never* include vegetables or potatoes or rice (except in creamy rice pudding perhaps) or chicken breast…But then again, eating only what I wanted to eat was how I wound up well over 300 pounds!
UNDERTOW-
Ha! That's what I love about interacting with the "websters" -we can help each other out, without even knowing it ;-)
Does that mean you wouldn't up the fructose/sucrose and only sticking to mostly starch, before later on?
I could also calm my acne problem going low carb and high fat, in a heartbeat! -Would never cure me though, as soon as I would up my carbs, BAM -hello zits!
Anonymous, I already have the large natural breasts going on. Even when I was 110 lbs I was a DD. So no worries of me ever losing 'the twins', unless I become anorexic.
I do NEED to lose weight though, as I am 20 lbs overweight and really need to lose 30 lbs. I just got engaged and would rather lose a leg than walk down the aisle at 170 lbs.
RRARF served me well – I didn't gain anything at all (my 30 pound weight gain came from a low thyroid and Ray Peat's plan) and I cured my inuslin resistance. There must be a similar RRARD style plan out there for weight loss i.e. high strach, mod fat and mod protein and I want Mattie boy's or JT or someone's educated opinion.
AS –
I have craved lemon for as long as I can remember. I'm curious of how much of that craving is related to my background. My parents were both alcoholics/addicts, and I wouldn't be surprised if my mom drank while pregnant with me. No signs of FAS, though. Also, as a young child I was put on several pharmaceuticals (I don't know why) and I hated that. I am in good health, now, and have been for the past several years. Interesting food for though!
Sheila, I am still increasing my fruit intake, but keeping it til later on in the day. Starch (potatoes and rice) is still my main staple.
Ya low carb definitley helps acne, but for sure its no cure. I guess the high fat, keeps the PUFA locked in tissue, and insulin spikes stay relatively low. Plus low carb brings on hypo-thyroid state, which doesn't allow for the body to detox anything including PUFA, which if it did would further inhibit the thyroid. vicious circle, I know you understand that…
Damn you Matt, I've been here over a year now, and ever since about six months into ET(real)F, I can't keep my hands off my husband, esp around ovulation time. Like now. It's all I can think about. Even with the extra weight. And it's all your fault (bites fingers in frustration because husband had to leave the house).
Intuition: if you crave Slim Jims and Doritos and Oreos, ignore it. If you crave a steak or pineapple or oatmeal or even lemons, go with it. I'm up in the air about wheat products, even with my homemade, fresh ground wheat sourdough bread. I think there's something to those opioids – I find my hypoglycemia and cravings for bread way worse after large bouts of wheat.
And once you're used to real food, you don't crave the fake food (usually). Was at a party last night with all kinds of foods I don't usually eat, and after the psychological "oooh, brownies", I knew I wouldn't really want the box mix things, cuz they wouldn't taste as good as the ones I make with real eggs, butter, etc. Have had that happen lots – looks good, remember having liked it prior to only eating real food, and then does nothing for me when I do eat it. It's more of a nostalgic "I crave that" than me really wanting it. Nothing else there even appealed to me. I came home and ate cold leftover oatmeal and a little organic dark chocolate instead. But you have to overcome the fake food addiction first, because as Matt keeps pointing out, it's designed to be addictive and taste "better" than real food.
"I am over the whole natural is better dogma that I held to for so long. I am willing to benefit from technology and take medicines and vitamins to have optimal health."
Jeez..just drink your quart of orange juice and you got all the vitamin C you need.
April wrote:
"AS – I have craved lemon for as long as I can remember. I'm curious of how much of that craving is related to my background."
Yeah that's what made me ask, I was wondering that too – and how your background compared to mine.
April wrote:
"Also, as a young child I was put on several pharmaceuticals (I don't know why) and I hated that."
I'm sooo grateful that my dad (who raised my bro and I on his own) didn't believe in immunization, antibiotics, and so forth. And he wasn't one of those "clean your plate" parents. And he never forced us to eat anything we didn't like/want. We got to eat intuitively.
Junk food never really appealed to me all that much even as a kid. I mostly preferred real food. Whenever I ate a candy bar, I could only stand a couple of bites before I gave it away. I always gave my Halloween candy away lol! Junk food and food in general never really played a big role for me. I ate when I was hungry and then went back to playing.
Anyway, I think all that played a huge part in why I had good health and body comp/weight growing up. And I think the same holds true for adults. They just need to get out of their heads. Follow your passions, play, eat, play! :-)
undertow and sheila, are you guys on facebook?
Dang it, here I go again lol!
Lorelei,
Same here. Except for the husband part–don't have husband/boyfriend at the moment (but I improvise!), I'm the same way when I'm in a relationship.
I agree that getting past the food issues first is key. Well said! :-)
A person should give themselves permission to eat everything – even junk food. But be sure to eat lots of real food. The more real food your body gets, the less fake food it will crave.
RRARF it for a month or so. Soon, food (especially junk food) will start to become less appealing and your appetite will drop dramatically. When that happens, then you're ready to let your cravings be your guide and eat intuitively.
—
Assuming your food issues don't stem from deep-rooted psychological issues, rather than just hormonal imbalances, food addiction, etc. If so, then you should seek psychological help too.
Hawaii Girl-
You have truly said it best. I have noticed, for the 12th time at least, that persistence with whole food eating for just a few weeks is really all it takes to remove pornographic foods as a source of addictive lusting.
I think your addiction is clear now. It's like Robert Palmer's. You might as well face it.
Lynn-
I think the healthiest way to lose weight is probably with exercise and a pretty plain diet of mostly starch and vegetables with a little meat/fish/eggs. This is still the most common template used by fitness competitors, bodybuilders, etc.
If you run into signs of your body entering hibernation, eat a lot of whatever you are craving most until the feeling passes. Maintain your weight for a few days, and then resume weight loss.
This would be my best generic advice I think I could give.
Lynn-
By losing weight with exercise I mean doing the quantity required for the pounds to start pouring off while eating to appetite. This amount is different for different people. Hopefully for you it is a reasonable amount. But it will probably be a couple hours per day. Watch some Tour de France footage for inspiration, and make sure to do some resistance exercise in there. Doing endurance exercise at the exclusion of resistance exercise is a bad idea in my experience.
Wait, what?? Exercise a couple of hours a day?? I thought too much exercise slows the metabolism just like cutting calories does. And you're recommending a couple hours of cardio with some resistance thrown in? Really?
My teeth were actually grinding earlier (another kiss is so what I need).
Have to go sublimate all that into something else now, bye! :)
AS, what did guys say to you about itty bitty boobies? That they don't care?
Honestly I've had guys be into mine. But sometimes they totally ignore them and that's the only time I feel insecure. Maybe partially because they used to be a little bigger (although never big by any means). I'm tiny in general so it works out, and my booty makes up for it anyway.
Sorry, this is a weird topic maybe. Not sure why I care about this lately. But it's interesting that lots of ladies gained boobage Rrarfing and I never did. I only gained 5 lbs, though, and lost it quickly so maybe that's why.
BTW, I used to crave lemon. Now I have it daily and like it but don't crave it anymore. I think I answered my body's need.
Oh, and Shu Han, I eat mostly grains as carbs. Several people here do.
thanks amy! it's funny how people have come on a huge roundabout haven't they? in the end, i'm back to the diet i grew up eating. i don't know why i tried straying from it in the first place. granted, my mum sometimes buys fast food when she's in a rush, but coming from a chinese family, i've always grown up eating rice, lots of vegetables, fish/meat, but esp meat broths (she makes amazing soups using pork bones and fish bones and she makes them everyday, using a claypot on a charcoal fire. yes. still.) i'm home for the summer break, and i'm going to simply just eat what she cooks.
even though i had no major health issues i wanted to be "healthier", so i tried low fat, then came across low carb for a while, and though i didn't do the raw milk diet, i did get really hooked on raw dairy esp cheese, when i used to not have a particular preference for it. i think what matt says about how eating sth a lot makes you think you love that food a lot is true.
oh one thing though, when i returned to eating more grains instead of potatoes or fruit for carbs, i get pimples ): i'm not exactly sure because i didn't do this systematically, it may be due to dairy (that i didn't cut out) or even to just wheat, not all grains like rice.
any thoughts on that ):
That sounds like a really healthy diet you grew up with. I eat pretty close to how I grew up eating, too, which is basically just balanced meals with plenty of fruits and vegetables, and everything home cooked. I think eating lots of grains is perfectly healthy if your body seems to tolerate them. The majority of the world's population eats a grain-based diet. Not sure why you would get pimples from it. Maybe a reaction to wheat. I can't imagine rice would cause acne, or really any health issues.
Hey Matt
Did you really mean hours of exercise a day! As for diets, are there any particular bodybuilding diet books out there that you recommend?
Amy wrote:
"AS, what did guys say to you about itty bitty boobies? That they don't care?
Honestly I've had guys be into mine. But sometimes they totally ignore them and that's the only time I feel insecure. Maybe partially because they used to be a little bigger (although never big by any means). I'm tiny in general so it works out, and my booty makes up for it anyway"
Amy,
No, it's not a weird topic at all. The more people talk about these things the better. Women need to hear that–contrary to the big boob hype–lots of men really do like small natural boobs. And to clarify my previous comment for ya, no, those guys did NOT say "that they didn't care" if boobs are small. They said that they "prefer" small boobs… big difference! :-)
Don't take it personally if a man ignores them. Some men just aren't that into boobs much at all (contrary to public perception). In my experience with men (dating and otherwise), different men are partial to different things about a woman's body. Not all are "breast men" – big or small. Some are "butt men" and some are into curves and so on.
An ex-boyfriend was always admiring my curves. He would run his hands along the curves of my body looking at me whenever I was standing nude–sometimes from the front, sometimes from behind–it drove him nuts. He loved an hour glass figure on a woman with curves. He never really paid special attention to my boobs, but he wasn't turned off by them in the least. He was more of a booty guy. He loved watching me walk away in my jeans. And he would constantly compliment me in my jeans. That was just his thing. So, yes, your booty not only makes up for it, it's even more fancied than boobs by some men. You just gotta pick the right men for you – who prefer small boobies :-)
A man's preference for big boobs is not 'your' short-coming, don't take it as such. It just simply means the two of you are not compatible. He's not right for 'you' so you move on. Why stick around and make yourself feel inadequate with a guy who prefers big boobs? There are tons of guys out there who prefer small boobs. You should be with one of them, not with a guy who wishes your boobs were bigger.
Continued below…
Continued from above…
If a guy does or says things that make you feel bad about your boobs, then he's wrong for you anyway–run don't walk away! The right guy for you makes you feel good about yourself without even trying. He makes you feel beautiful without even saying the words. The key is to screen before you get involved with someone. Ask questions early on. Even share your own preferences early on.
Remember when I said that I make it known early on (in dating) that I have a high sex drive and his needs to be high too? Well, I also tell them that if they are a "big boobs" kinda guy then I'm not the girl for them. I say that mine are modest and real–like me (wink!). Share and ask things like that on the first date – before you get too involved with him. It's a great way to weed out the wrong for you "big boobs" guys (among other things). Also, the more right for you "small boobs" guys will love that you put it out there like that — as long as you don't make it feel like an interrogation lol! You don't have to be brutally blunt or obvious with your Q & A – you can be subtle. Do it in a fun, witty, and flirty way with confidence :-)
Anyway, I had you (and your previous comments about it) in mind when I posted that comment about guys saying they prefer small boobs — because I can sympathize with you. I've been there too. It's related to the story that I referred to (but didn't tell) in that comment. I just had a discussion with people on my website a while back about this subject and shared how I got over it – for the ladies that were struggling with the same thing. They said it was a huge help. I hope this and all the recent talk here about men liking small boobs has helped you (and others out there) feel less insecure about your breast size.
If it didn't help, the right man for you can turn that all around for you. Men really don't get as much credit as they deserve. Don't believe the hype out there.
When you do find the right guy, keep in mind that men will look at the big boobs – it's just human nature. But that doesn't mean they think bigger is better. In fact, many prefer small ones on their lady. So don't take it personally and don't get mad at him if your man looks. Remember that he likes yours better. And you have the added advantage of yours being attached to the woman he loves :-)
AS–she of the great mind–I _love_ your advice, and it applies to women of all levels and styles of 'endowment,' men too.
I'd love to know your website link if it's something you're ok to share.
Amy, I know I'm a girl not a guy, but I find women attractive too, and I _way_ prefer women with smaller breasts. I wish mine were smaller: they're not huge, but they're noticeable (I think I mentioned before–even at my lowest weights they never quite went away) and I utterly, abjectly _loathe_ them. Your shape sounds like pretty much my ideal of how I'd love for my body to look.
AS, you rock. That was the most confidence-boosting thing I think I've ever read. Seriously! It actually makes me feel so much better, and I needed to hear it, because I've been feeling totally insecure about it lately (after dating a guy who did not make me feel so great about myself). It's funny, that was my mindset when I was younger and I think I forgot somewhere along the way or the media got to me…
But seriously, thank you, I totally needed to hear all of this. And thanks, Ela, too! You guys are my cheerleaders today!
Ela, I'm sure your body is fabulous, too. As AS mentioned above, there are guys that like all types of bodies, and lots of guys probably LOVE that you have noticeable boobs! I used to hate my booty until I realized guys actually were totally into it. It is definitely noticeable, too.
Thanks, Amy–I'm so glad that you took all that to heart.
And yes, it's true, my husband really enjoys my breasts. But that doesn't stop me from wishing they were different (as I have since they grew when I was 15). I guess I'll keep hoping that all the pushups I've recently started doing (yay for energy) will help flatten them out, or else just work on accepting them, or at the least, not paying attention to them.
I guess we probably both need to accept where our bodies are. I think it's the only way, in the end, hard as it is sometimes.
Ela wote:
"AS–she of the great mind–I _love_ your advice, and it applies to women of all levels and styles of 'endowment,' men too.
I'd love to know your website link if it's something you're ok to share."
Thank you, Ela! I hope it helps others out there :-)
And, yes absolutely, it does apply to both men and women of all endowments. I elaborated on that in the longer (gasp-lol!) version, but I left out a lot in an effort to keep it short here. I already post way too much and way too long comments here lol!
BTW, I do want to clarify (this was left out) that I by no means think that guys who like big boobs are bad guys – that's just what they like and there's nothing wrong with that. They're just not right for `me` – nor for Amy and the other little booby ladies :-). I just think that guys who prefer big boobs should date large (and not settle for small) breasted women. And likewise, I think small-breasted women should choose to be with a man who "prefers" (not just settles for) small breasts. Otherwise, neither he nor his lady will feel desired and mutually satisfied long term. The same applies of course to other things about each of them – like sex drive, in my case, for example.
Interestingly, I find that I have really good initial chemistry and connection (in general) with men who prefer little boobies more so than men who fancy big ones – even before I know which a guy likes. Which would explain my experience that "almost all of the men" that I've dated preferred little boobies. They were the ones that I've felt most inclined to keep seeing past the first date and get to know better.
Regarding my website- I've already taken it down. It was just part of my non-profit 12-week project that I did here locally, which ended a couple weeks ago. I volunteer at the local community center here and, for 12 weeks, I did free self-awareness related seminars and dream-chaser classes for all ages. It was a lot of fun and very rewarding. It's a great feeling to inspire people to do what makes them happy and `see` them follow their passions, at least for me anyway. I created the website to provide opportunity for them to participate and interact online – people liked the privacy of going online rather than to the center.
Plus, not that I'm all that secretive or anything, but I do like my anonymity here too :-)
Amy wrote:
"AS, you rock. That was the most confidence-boosting thing I think I've ever read. Seriously! It actually makes me feel so much better, and I needed to hear it, because I've been feeling totally insecure about it lately (after dating a guy who did not make me feel so great about myself). It's funny, that was my mindset when I was younger and I think I forgot somewhere along the way or the media got to me…
But seriously, thank you, I totally needed to hear all of this. And thanks, Ela, too! You guys are my cheerleaders today!"
Amy,
Yay! I am so glad it made you feel so much better! And I hope it stays with you. Thank you for sharing that – it made my day! :-)
Amy wrote:
"I used to hate my booty until I realized guys actually were totally into it."
Exactly! Now just apply that to your breasts by being selective and choosing to date men who find small breasts beautiful (among the other great things about you AND him of course!). Never let the preferences of a man (that are contrary to your features) dictate, for you, your body's beauty nor skew your own self-image. Instead, let the features that make your body beautiful to the men who desire those features–the men who are more right for you–dictate which men you do (and don't) share your body with.
I learned to do that myself from the first guy to tell me he preferred small boobs. He not only told me that not all men want big boobs, he made me believe it. He's part of the story of how I got over my own small booby insecurities. After my experience with him, I never again felt insecure about my boobs, nor anything about my body. It was life-changing for me because it also applies to other areas in life. I found the confidence to fearlessly go after what makes me happy. And I've been following my passions ever since! I guess that's partly why I enjoy encouraging others to do the same and helping them see that they can! :-)
Regarding what Ela said to you- I definitely appreciate the beauty of a woman's body, as well, and I also think small natural breasts are way more beautiful. And even though I will look at big boobs (can't not look lol!), I find big boobs (most especially the fake ones) as unappealing as I find `big` muscles on a guy – that look is a turn off to me.
I'm also not attracted to very lean men and I'm not turned on by exaggerated abs. Even undefined abs are fine by me. But those are just `my` preferences – for the sake of example. Some women (and men) like those things. The problem is the common notion that ALL men like the same things and ALL women like the same things – making peeps think that they must be the only oddball – and afraid to speak up. Good communication and having more discussions like these helps to show that -in real life- both men and women like different things. And there's nothing bad about that. It's a good thing.
Men need to know that it's not true that *all* women think bigger is better. And women need to know that it's not true that *all* men prefer big boobs over small ones. Heck, some men aren't even into boobs as much as other parts of the female body – contrary to all of the hype.
Anyway, Amy, I'm sooo glad that you feel better. Now go out there and find your man. And have fun with it. Don't over-think it. Stay out of your head. Be playful! :-)
AS–that's awesome about your website: it must have given so much to those people, and to you too!
So true that bigger is not always better, also in men. And I was blown away (when I scraped myself off the ceiling) after a very triggering conversation with my husband in which he compared an aspect of my shape to that of a much bigger woman–as a compliment–and when I pointed out that I was smaller, he said he hadn't noticed this person's size (someone we didn't know).
When I got over being upset, I ascertained from him that generally, he really doesn't see what size people are except at the extremes.
With guys, big can definitely be 'too big.'
Sorry for the delayed response. Catching up from being out of town…
AS: "Never let the preferences of a man (that are contrary to your features) dictate, for you, your body's beauty nor skew your own self-image. Instead, let the features that make your body beautiful to the men who desire those features–the men who are more right for you–dictate which men you do (and don't) share your body with."
I love this! It sums it all up and just makes SENSE. I did date a guy a little while back who was obsessed with my small boobs and my entire body and I never had felt so beautiful in my life as when I was with him. And we had rocking chemistry. It didn't work out because of our life circumstances and directions. but you're so right, that's what I need to look for and what I deserve.
So glad we had this discussion thread. It's giving me a whole new outlook that I had no idea I needed so much. Funny how you find answers for yourself in roundabout ways sometimes when you're not even aware you're looking for them.
"Now go out there and find your man. And have fun with it. Don't over-think it. Stay out of your head. Be playful! :-)" – Yup, totally need to do this, too!
Oh, and: "I found the confidence to fearlessly go after what makes me happy. And I've been following my passions ever since! I guess that's partly why I enjoy encouraging others to do the same and helping them see that they can! :-)"
You're really good at encouraging others! Based on your comments here and in other threads, I feel like you'd be a really successful motivational speaker or life coach. It's a great talent to have.
Amy,
It's really great to hear that you have a whole new outlook. Of course, I do hope this discussion helps other peeps (men & women) out there, but even if it helps just one… Awesome! Thank you for sharing that, it really means a lot to me. And I'm sure that hearing your story helps others too!
"I love it when a plan comes together."
Thank you for all of your kinds words! :-)
Ela,
Just saw your last comment to me. I thank you too. And that was a great example you shared of the way we can see things differently – men and women, and people in general – but neither is wrong. Glad you came to realize that your hubby only meant it as a compliment to you. See, men really don't get enough credit! :-)
They really do aim–and love–to please us. Especially when they have a great lady who appreciates him for it – and she shows it. They just want the same thing we women want… someone who makes them feel desired… makes them feel appreciated… and yes even that emotional connection.
P.S. After getting over being upset, I hope you showed your hubby how much you, umm, appreciate him – wink! :-)
Good post! I am also going to write a blog post about this… thanks