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Can I just say how relieved I am that I am not being an idiot anymore? A little background…I have been dieting on and off for my entire adult life. I was a normal, active teen but in my early twenties gained like, 80 pounds from pregnancy. From that time to about a year ago I have done every conceivable weight loss plan. I looked pretty great and all, but was very prone to panic attacks, anxiety, depression, hair loss, heart palpitations and body obsession. I weighed myself three times a day. (I know, right?) I have dense bones and a lot of muscle, so at 150 I was a size 6 and looked good, but thought I “should” be 140 or so. That’s what all the freaking charts told me.
I changed jobs about a year ago, and was unable to exercise as much as I had been (tons of weight lifting, distance running, step aerobics) and began to relax my eating. I was eating organic and healthy (if you call homemade chocolate ice cream healthy–I do!), but more of it and not worrying about sugar, salt, carbs. My weight went up to about 165 and has stayed there. HERE IS THE STUPID PART. At this weight, my body looks good. I mean, I’m only a size 10 for God’s sake. My weight settled in my ass, hips and boobs and my husband has been all like “hummuna hummuna” and generally being a randy ass. My palpitations are gone, I haven’t had a panic attack in a year, I have been supremely happy and my body feels like it is humming. HOWEVER, until this week I have been freaking out about the GODDAMNED SCALE!!! I have been telling myself it is time to start a diet, but haven’t arsed myself to do it yet because I feel so good. I was continually fretting about a number on the scale and what “they” said I SHOULD weigh! Fortunately for me, I came across Matt’s books which I devoured (HA!) over the course of a couple days. I am so grateful–he has stopped me from starting another “weight loss journey” which OH MY GOD, THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN IDIOTIC!!! My dumb-ass diet brain was going to try to overrule the fact of my healthy, happy body.
I eat grilled cheese (a LOT), ice cream, chili, pasta and don’t deprive myself of any food that I want. (Though I tend to want fairly healthy things for the most part.) It was almost by accident that I fell into intuitive eating, but Matt’s books helped me to realize what an ass I was being to think that I should stop. I am just racing through all of the forums now, and nodding over everyone’s crazy diet experiences. I’m so glad I can finally feel like it’s okay to love my body at 165 pounds. Also, did I mention that I freaking love grilled cheese?
Yeah!!!
Listen to your hubby, and Love your body! :)
I hear ya – I’m in what “they” call the “obese” category based on height and weight, but I can keep up with my “appropriately thin” relatives on a 14 mile hike up a mountain (ok… I almost kept up… I rested for about 0.2 miles when they took the summit trail… but they hike every weekend, and I barely get the dog out for a 2 mile walk a few times a week).
So, my weight doesn’t stop me from doing anything I want to do, and it’s happy this way. I would like to drop a few pounds to fit in some cuter clothes… but I’m starting to realize that’s not as high a priority as it used to be. I rather enjoy just feeling good.
Seriously! That’s the smart thing to do! I can’t believe that feeling and looking as good as I do, I was ready to start restricting my calories and going all fitness crazy just because of a number! I’m really working hard not to look at the scale–I think I’m going to throw it out. I don’t need the temptation.
As long as I can hike, run, and play with my family I could give a shit what the stupid scale says. And I think I’m going to start working on my art and writing again, since I have so much brain space freed up from the lack of health obsessing. :)
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